Sometimes it seems I am not always who I am. And I am a different person at different times. I still can't believe I actually enjoyed dancing in the dark loud smoky and crowded room with suspicious college kids all around last night. I think I am truly learning what it means by "immersed, yet, aware of the world's ultimate nature, and, therefore, detached." The goal is to become aware, and to live life in a style of moderation, variety, and balance.

The Tao of Music--What I Learned from my Piano Teacher

I took piano lessons from Mr. Shura Chatterjee in 1998-99. He gave me many good advices about playing the soloist in a concerto. These advices could be applied to life as well.

Solo means youth and freedom. It's like say, "I will do as I please."

As a soloist, be bold and stand out.

Play all the notes clearly so each note can be heard.

Listen to every ornament. There's no unimportant note in music.

No hurry. Take your time.

Do not depend on luck. Practice. Practice. Practice.

Always have more technique than needed.

Even as an accompaniment, the music needs to be interesting.

The whole idea of beautiful playing is the ability to join and merge smoothly.

Never phrase from the first beat.

After a long note, play the next one more softly.

If a note is repeated several times, play it differently every time.

When a pattern is repeated, do not emphasize the repeated phrase. Vary it.

Create variety.

Do not just play what is written. Add flesh and color to the skeleton.

Make it clear what you want to express.

Make it clear where you want the music to go. Do not let it stand. Play with motion.

Put your weight in the music. Play emotionally. Play with feeling.

I just got back from Kentucky rock climbing. SO MUCH FUN. I should never forget how much I also enjoy the life of the outdoors, in addition to the life of the mind. The key is variety and balance.

I got the Harmonic Experience book--it is a monster book! Did you read the whole book? I think it would be very good for me, since I am serious about learning music now.

I thought more about the questionnaire you would design for me to ask God on my next trip to Heaven. I think there might be an inherited problem with this project. I imagine that the answer to any yes or no question would be "can be both yes and no", "neither yes nor no", "the answer is not important", "whatever", "42".... since Tao or whatever we call IT is everywhere, elusive, and incommunicable. But of course we can try to reduce the problems to purely logical or verbal or even conceptual.

-- email to JF.

I'm glad my comments were relevant to your book. No you are not crazy. You know exactly what you were doing and it is not up to the readers to interact with the book. I don't know much about theories of non-linearity, but I imagine it is another way of saying that the world is not simple so one should be aware of the complex nature of a system when one tries to study it.

I will get The Castle of Crossed Destinies to read for my next Calvino adventure. These days I want to study music, so I am reviewing my music knowledge. I just read a little book by Copland and I was amazed to see how easy it is for me now to understand new concepts with just one basic understanding of "Tao" or the true nature of things or Absolute or Infinite or Truth or whatever people call it. Tao Te Ching is one wise man's poetic summary of his understanding of nature. I used to think only old people should read Tao because it seemed to advocate resignation. But now I know it is not true. Lao Tsu's words, like many others', are there to guide people to reach their own wisdom and contentment.

-- email to CA.

Today's random Tao verse says:

FORTY-EIGHT (standard translation by Gia-Fu Feng)

In the pursuit of learning, every day something is acquired.
In the pursuit of Tao, every day something is dropped.

Less and less is done
Until non-action is achieved.
When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.

The world is ruled by letting things take their course.
It cannot be ruled by interfering.

48 (my version)

To reach Tao, study and gain more knowledge everyday, and then unlearn a little everyday until one has achieved quiescence. This is the state of enlightenment. When one is in harmony with the universe, all things are possible. But when one fights against nature, one is bound to lose. The Master stays calm and his wisdom has illuminated the whole world.

Meaning you keep learning, keep working, keep gaining the knowledge, and then you have to abandon everything in order to reach Tao. It can also be interpolated as, the scientific path is advanced by accumulation of knowledge, but the spiritual path is advanced by diminution of thoughts and desires. Know when to do what (yeah, this is the ultimate wisdom).

I need to stay quiet and not anticipate much. Everything has its own course. The study of music too.

-- email excerpts to JF and JA.

I have decided to dedicated two seperate blog spots for Lao Tsu's Tao Te Ching and Shakespeare's sonnets. I am so happy to have discovered these two greatest poets this year. Life is indeed very good.

email conversation with XH.

I don't know; I find it nice to settle down; sometime one finds something one really wants to do, sometime one realizes that to live a happy, if not all that exciting, life is pretty good as well. I am sure somewhere deep inside, everyone will always wonder what if, will still want the adventure. I saw that you are reading Lao Zi these days.

I am not sure if you will ever "settle down". But if adventure is what you are called to do, then I hope that you will be happy and be at peace with it as well.

Hope to see you some time soon; and good luck looking for the things that I know you have been looking for a long time.

A lot of my friends have told me the contentment of a settled life. I know it will offer me a stability that I have always needed for "success", but for some reason nothing has worked out for me. I guess everyone is different and I have to accept whomever I am. Sometimes I feel I am taking the adventurous journeys for my friends, while they are living the peaceful life for me, both vicariously. Nobody can be on more than one path but then all paths lead to a fulfilled life if lived honestly. Something like that. So I thank you for your wish.

Yes, these days I try to read a verse of Lao Zi and Shakespeare everyday. Great poetry are such an inspiration and enjoyment!

My brain is racing again and I think if I let it go I will end up on top of another wave. So for me, perhaps the high state is conversation-induced, rather than drug- or meditation- induced. Yes, there are many ways to do this (no two operators are the same) and again, everyone picks whichever works for him/her. Lots of metaphors for lots of things. In fact, everything is a metaphor for everything else. Hmmm...

-- email excerpt to JF.

email to CA, whose book I just finished.

Dear C,

I just finished your book. Wow! What can I say and how can say it? Let me try. Thank you for producing such a wonderful little book. I really enjoyed it. It in itself is indeed a work of art. It is complex, informative, with many many layers of metaphors refer to one another and within itself. I love the design of the book, not just the physical design but also the ideas and such, with rules, slacks and novelties and all things you set to reflect. I can see in a way your book is like a miniature Hofstadter (I only read Part one of his GEB book; it had tremendous influence on me when I first read a Chinese translation of the first chapter back in middle school). It's a representation of itself. Also very refreshing. Beautiful. Lovely. Hmm, I think you get my idea.

I don't know about cas system before but now I see it is a good theory to describe many systems. How fortunate that you have the opportunity to study it with the master!

I have only read two Calvino's books, one is Invisible Cities just last year after your father told me how you sort of idolize it. I did not study it so I was not aware of all the layers and complexity in it. Now I must read it again. The other Calvino's book was his first and was just a novel. I own three other Calvino's books but I haven't had time to read them.... I guess the time has not been right for these books.

I was introduced to Calvino by an Italian friend, an avid novel reader. His father teaches literature in Italy and had been friends with Calvino for years. My friend had met him many times at home when he was young. I should ask him again about his encounters now I know more about Calvino, through your book.

I did not know that Calvino was often compared with Borges. Now I want to read Borges again.

Interesting that you are presented with a Taoist Sourcebook at such a time. I am just beginning to read Tao Te Ching these days and writing my own translations, one chapter a day. I say to my friends that I finally started a journey to the east. I guess this is what being scattered does to me--that I go around and around in circles and learn everything the hard way. But then it's my way so what can I do about it but to at least recognize it?

Actually your book first struck me as something scattered too, and I thought, hey, this is a good way to organize materials into a book. Sometimes it also seems like a collection of your learnings, like a little notebook, and then organized in a very neat manner. Good stuff.

And while working on it, you must have zillion thoughts racing through your head all the time? Exciting and exhausting? I would be. But I would probably just stay in awe and not be able to carry out the work.

Sorry I am babbling. Just lots of thoughts at the moment...

Thanks again. More later.

This is great, to read Lao Tsu and Shakespeare every day. There are 81 verses in Tao Te Ching and 154 sonnets by WS. Enough to keep one busy for a while. A great way to study and appreciate greatness. I started on Lao Tsu, and I'm afraid the other Chinese philosophers are not so sophisticated. Zhuangzi is a good one (a student of Lao Tsu), very imaginative, romantic, funny. Will be a very good one to study. He wrote lots and lots of beautiful prose that I always want to read. Confucius is too boring and concerns only the social aspects of Tao (the lowest level, according to Lao Tsu). Maybe Sun Zi the Chinese Machiavelli will be interesting. Still many chapters to Tao Te Ching. I won't plan ahead yet.

I do want to think about music now. So many exciting things to think about!

I told G the other day about my becoming a Taoist (for now) and my quitting science. He asked me how I felt about the decision (of quitting)--"relieved?" Probably. I have given science a good many years and I should feel good that I have tried it (rather than feel bad to quit). I only hope he is not bored with my spiritual talks. And I hope my friend R won't be bored either. I so treasure their friendship and love, and if they see something not quite right about me, I will definitely listen to what they say and re-evaluate myself. So far G seems to only interested in what I actually do. He asked me what pre-occupies me these days and I said, Eastern philosophy and Taoism, of which he had no comment. R wanted to see me making concrete plans. And you want to talk to me about music education. Well enough, it is the action that counts.

I am a new student of Taoism. It's more like an attitude toward life than anything else. Tao Te Ching is the "bible" of Tao, and it is full of wisdom that cannot be used up! And Lao Tsu (the alleged author) is the poet. I don't know how you will like this "philosophy", since in a sense it teaches not-forcing, contradictory to any ideas of socialist reform or communist revolution. But what Tao is, it is also very practical (that's why I can see it as the ultimate wisdom) and useful.

When do I take a nap? Now my brain is racing....

the student

p.s. latin might have to wait.... or is there some way that i can learn one little thing per day, too?

-- email to JA.

--- Bennett wrote (7/18/2004 11:27:56 PM):

No punctuation...no grammer...different meanings.. Heheh, and I thought English had a reputation for being difficult!

I think this is why Chinese people are naturally Taoists, while the Germans are scientists and philosophers and psychologists, and the English are, hmm, politicians? Joking. The English being both precise but flexible means it's good for a lot of things for a lot of people. I love English.

I guess the translation depends a lot on which character is used...but I think your understanding of Tsu's meaning fits well enough.

Lao Tsu's real name is Li (surname) Dan (given name), but people call him Lao Zi (or Lao Tsu), which means "Old One/Man". It's similar to Zhuang Zi, Kong Zi (Confucius), Sun Zi, etc., where Zi (Tsu) shows respect.

I read your friend's comment, and was a little surprised. Mostly because no-one had ever brought that point of view up with me before - having an open mind had always been a positive thing to have, with no drawbacks. One example of there always being something new to learn! There are several answers though:

I think my friend has a very good question! So often we take things for granted. I think she is onto something if she even questions "why do we want to keep an open mind?" But being a student of Tao, I can say that some people might not like to have an open mind. It works for some people but not for others. It's like that some people consider being liberal is a good thing and other want to be conservative. Hehe, now I really have an open mind. :)

Firstly, having an open mind is not the same as accepting everything. It means that you're _open_ to accepting everything, as opposed to refusing to even consider some things (opinions, points of view, facts etc). To come to a truly balanced decision one must weigh up all aspects of the issue with due balance. While you might still come to the same decision by ignoring certain facts or points of view, is it still a "wise" decision? Maybe your choice would be reversed upon knowing all the facts? Maybe your words would be mollified? Maybe frustration would turn into pity? Who knows.

I like what you say here. With an open mind, one is more likely to make more informed decisions. Wiser or not? It's hard to say, since not everybody agrees what wisdom is. Sometimes people don't want to have too many choices and they prefer to have decisions made for them. (Sorry, today I am in this very vague mood and I guess I am not so good for serious conversations.)

Also, someone who is following the Way "knows" in their own way what is good, bad, moral or immoral, and can base what to act upon on that knowledge. In this way one can judge that to "be like water" makes sense, whereas "the end always justifies the means" doesn't quite sit comfortably in the mind. Part of that "knowledge" is the Buddist way: correct thought, correct action, correct speech etc. It is these things that I think follow from the Tao rather than the Tao following from them. Part of the "knowledge" is also the simple fact that by keeping one's mind open throughout Life, one can make a better informed choice as to what is worth accepting and taking on board and what should be rejected or given less emphasis.

Being open-minded isn't foolproof, but then very little in Life really is, but it seems a better way of going about things than with blinkers on, no matter how small they might seem to be.

A good analogy is with (once again) Martial Arts. It is generally recognised that the best way to learn is to become proficient in several different styles, and then pick whatever works best for you. That's not to say you try to mix Horse-Stance with a Wing Chun deflect/strike combination, but simply that by being willing to accept the strengths and weaknesses of many styles one can make a better informed choice about what to do in any situation. A dogmatic decision like "Shotokan is the best because it's the strongest" is as equally wrong as "Shotokan is the worst because its the slowest". In the same vein as described above, someone willing to accept other styles is better able to later decide whether a particular move is worth considering or rejecting for his or her own particular Way.

I like the analogy with Martial Arts. Everyone should choose his/her own Way and there's no right or wrong. A good choice is likely to lead to a good outcome. But then again, it's the action that counts and not the result (the idea behind wu-wei, not-doing). Also, I like this Chinese saying: to act is the business of men; to succeed is the affair of heaven/fate/gods. I have never seen this in a fortune cookie though. By the way, have they put all Tao Te Ching in the cookies? I saw "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" many years ago.

Hmm, sometimes Tao is mind baffling. Really one cannot pin it down. One can never say for sure one thing or another. Sometimes both opposite sides are right.

I don't know if that helps at all, or whether you even agree with it, but hey - that would be my initial rationale for why keeping an Open Mind isn't a problem as regards accepting the "wrong" stuff is concerned. :o)

Yes. Since nothing is really "wrong", the more you know the greater your Way is, and an open mind will allow you to know more.

Today my (another) frirend said to me that two Taoists cannot have a conversation, because both would be so vague and open and they would just say to each other, "whatever". Haha!

There is a Japanese saying I recall once having heard, of the five stages of man's growth. "At ten, an animal; at twenty, a lunatic; at thirty, a failure; at forty, a fraud; at fifty, a criminal." And at sixty, I would add (since by that time one will have gone through all this), one begins advising one's friends; and at seventy (realizing that everything said has been misunderstood) one keeps quiet and is taken for a sage. "At eighty," then said Confucius, "I knew my ground and stood firm."

-- Joseph Campbell in Myths to Live By

>华 wrote:
>姗姗老师好，祝贺姗姗开讲人生。
>对一个天才，人生阶段论还有没有意义呢？
>因为所有的天才生下来就是九十岁的老头老太了。
>第一声哭就带着万古回音。

俺不是老师，是学生。咱们都永远是人生的学生，一起探讨吧。

今天看书上的那段话，觉得很好笑，抄来和大家同乐。我在想我那些四十岁到七十岁的朋友们，原来一个个都是骗子、是罪犯、是啰嗦的过来人、是沉默的智人，而我们这拨人是个失败。有些道理啊！还好，这三十岁是人生最低谷，过了就好了。

上礼拜好像又莫明其妙地到神秘的地方转了一圈，胡言乱语一番（易经啥的），请大家别介意。这几天没有灵感了，说不出什么妙语来。

关于天才的人生阶段，我想，华说的在某种程度上是对的：有的天才一辈子都生活在自己的世界中，超越了时空。但天才不是绝对的，在天分之外的方面，他们也是人，也要经历人的历程。其实每个人都是不同的，都有自己特殊的生命空间，只是多数人由于各种各样的原因，忽视对自己的认识，而去追随社会和他人的认可。我们看旁人的时候，也常常没有时间和耐心去欣赏他们的特别之处，而只是简单地把他们归结成这类或那类的人。这样做，可能会把自己孤立起来。

--- Bennett wrote (7/18/2004 03:20:57 PM):

Not being able to read the original script, I'm at a distinct disadvantage, but I'm curious as to where 'empty vessel' became 'indescribable'. I read the use of the word Tao in that context as the practice of the way, rather than the way itself.

Chinese words are naturally vague and therefore good for Tao. :) This verse is even more open to interpretation. The text is ancient, and there are several copies to this, and back then they did not use punctuation, so it's difficult to even know where each phrase starts and ends. Chinese language having no grammar does not help.

I am using several Chinese translations/interpretations to translate this verse to English. The word to word translation/interpretation for the first phrase is something like: Dao (Tao) Chong (void, formless, invisible; in some copies this character is a different one which means empty vessel, but some Chinese scholars think this is incorrect) Er (so) Yong (use) Zhi (it) Huo (always) Bu (not) Ying (filled, end).

I think Lao Tsu wants to say here that Tao is very vague but it is extremely useful.

A story goes how a sage was consulted by a western philosopher who spent a lot of time saying how his way of thinking was all that he needed to know. The sage said nothing, but poured tea. When the cup was full, he continued pouring until the tea ran over the floor.

"Stop!" cried the Westerner, "The cup is already full."
"Then empty your cup," replied the sage, "for how else can I teach you anything?"

I remember a story like this too.

The usefulness of a cup is in its emptiness, said Bruce Lee (probably from somewhere else). So the Way is, in part, keeping your cup (mind) empty.

My thoughts, anyway.

That's what I say too. Only when your mind is empty, you can fill it with wisdom. (My friend then asks me how do we know if what poured in is good stuff. This last couple of days I feel speechless so I can't give a wise answer here. Bennett?)

Tao Te Ching 4

The Tao is an empty vessel; it is used, but never filled.
Oh, unfathomable source of ten thousand things!
Blunt the sharpness,
Untangle the knot,
Soften the glare,
Merge with dust.
Oh, hidden deep but ever present!
I do not know from whence it comes.
It is the forefather of the emperors.

4 (my version)

Tao is indescribable, but can never be used up.
Unfathomably deep, it's a source of all things!
It's sharpness blunt, knots untangled, glare hidden,
And with dust it commingles.
It is so void, formless, indiscriminating.
Whence was it born and whence comes it?
I only know that the Gods come afterward.

I have finally given up on having a long term plan or a normal life. I have tried so many years for so hard, and nothing seems to work for me. Maybe I will learn how to live like a 神仙 (shen2 xian1) or something. The first step is to quit science once and for all. :( I enjoy the ideas of science and I get excited with new problems and discoveries, especially these days with all the spacecrafts on Mars, Saturn, Titan (and Jupiter--the proposal to send an orbiter to Jupiter "Juno" was just approved for Phase A study yesterday, and my supervisor started this project--very exciting!), but somehow I cannot deal with the day to day work. There are many interesting things to do in life, so I will just pick something else and try it out. For now I want to study music and see how far I can go. There are some practical problems--visa, green card, money, etc. but I shouldn't let these things stop me from living a life.

Anyway, these days I suddenly became very philosophical. Maybe not suddenly, since I have always been interested these metaphysical subjects without formal studies. I remember we used to have so many ardent discussions on these back in middle school with you and me and XC (I think the 3 of us were the real sincere seekers). Then later you found your God and XC probably found her Way, so it's about time for me to find something. I don't know why I am so slow, but probably because I had to struggle with career choice all these years. But it's all good now. And I am happy that I am beginning to understand you and everyone else better. Why do I think I understand you better? I was reading Bruno the other day and was struck by the realization of the Ultimate. By the way, a new proposal is under development to send probes to all 4 giant planets and they want to call it Giordano.

-- email excerpt to XH.

I don't know what to say.... I feel these days I am failing people over and over again. Have I traveled too far from home? Seems some people don't want to believe my growth even though I tell them I am different now. Maybe they are right that in certain ways (i.e. in their ways of seeing people) I haven't changed. But I feel the ways I deal with people and situations have changed because of my changed attitudes. I appear to be very easy going and uncertain, but deep down inside I know what I want. Sometimes it scares people when they find that out.

-- email to JA.

Yesterday I was talking to this girl and she questioned me about my new insights. She is much into social reforms I think, and my insights are mainly for my own growth and becoming. But I feel I owe the society something. An explanation? Of course I can always say that people are all different and each individual has to find and follow his own path, therefore it is none of anyone's business to question my path. But what good is my wisdom if it cannot bring any insight or relief or joy to others? The true noble ones set out to save the world.... and all I want is to learn music and when I feel like it, write. But then again, we all have our limitations. I think only after I become impeccable, I can be more effective in help others.

-- email to JA.

Reply to Bennett's comments.

sorry i am only a student and a very new one too. i meant to write you many times but you know how it goes with a student of "Whatever" (what do you think of this name? just a name anyway). yeah, really, one day i will get around to write you.

(as you can see, i am beginning to read taoism and other eastern philosophies. how interesting, since i am chinese and i came from the east, and after a long trip into the west--got a phd in physics, i finally looked back for more answers. lots of good stuff in the east too. lots of good stuff in the world, in the past, in people, everywhere. lots to learn. lots to share. lots to do. lots to not-do. everyone has to pick something that works for him/her, probably different things and different times. sometimes taoism works for me, sometimes other "Whatever" works for me, although there's really no difference among different aspects of "Whatever". taoism seems the most romantic so i like how it is expressed.)

p.s. i do want to become a teacher. sometimes i feel it's a natural responsibility. the time will come when i know what to do. until then, i'll be a student and learn.

I think I should shut up now. I talk too much and sometimes it might have negative effect. i don't know. i'm not all-knowing right now.

the thing is, it is not possible to be "right" 100% of the time, or to have 100% people believe you. wisdom is to know when to do what and how, to achieve whatever your goal is. the solution is not always obvious, but the wise one knows also how to pretend.

> If I ever write again, I hope to have as careful a reader as you.

It seems the book is at the right time for me. Sometimes it seems
everything is at the right time. Sometimes nothing is.

> A question for you, because I do not know enough Indic philosophy to
> comment intelligently. Do you find the characterization of Far Eastern
> fair? Now Campbell hadn't seen much of full Communist influence on
> China, nor the westernization of Japan, so do you think the statement of
> "far more practical, optical," etc., is on target?

Campbell is talking mainly of the philosophy on art. I think the
westernization of the far east is temporary. Soon the older cultures will
learn to cope with the impact and find a way to assimilate everything
within their own systems. I sure hope so. I haven't studied history much
to know for sure what the cause of the decline or collapse of eastern
societies, but the thoughts and cultures never die. Maybe the Chinese
were too into the Confucius way of governing which is rooted more in the
external structures such as rules and justice and moral judgement. True
wisdom teaches one to be effective in whatever one wants to do, so it
gives very practical advice which is also fundamental. Different people
can learn from the wisdom different things. True wisdom should be able to
apply across individual difference.... just some random thoughts.

> Fata: the fates, a difficult concept for both the Greeks and Romans, and
> subject to much interpretation and variation, even in ancient times. I
> like the derivation from "things having been spoken " (Latin). But
> who/what spoke? The Greek (Moirai: portions or lots) is more difficult
> for me. Who gives out our lots?

Who gives out our lots? This question reminds me of what I read yesterday
from Campbell V but I did not finish my "notes". (I also heard similar
things on this in the lecture on Hinduism last week). Let me copy
Campbell here:

The word Buddha means simply, "awakened, an awakened one, or the Awakened
One." It is from the Sanskrit verbal root budh, "to fathom a depth, to
penetrate to the bottom"; also, "to perceive, to know, to come to one's
senses, to wake." The Buddha is one awakened to identity not with the
body but with the knower of the body, nor with thought but with the knower
of thoughts, that is to say, with consciousness; knowing, furthermore,
that his value derives from his power to radiate consciousness.... What
is important about each of us is not the body and its nerves but the
consciousness that shines through them.

Hindu tradition .... knowledge yoga, the yoga of discrimination between
the knower and the knowing, between the subject and the object in every
act of knowing, and the identification of oneself, then with the subject.
"I know my body. My body is the object. I am the witness, the knower of
the object. I, therefore, am not my body." Next: "I know my thoughts; I
am not my thoughts." And so on: " I know my feelings; I am not my
feelings." You can back yourself out of the room that way. And the Buddha
then comes along and adds: "You are not the witness either. There is no
witness." So where are you now? Where are you between two thoughts?
That is the way known as jnana yoga, the way of sheer knowledge.

I don't know if you know why these things seem so interesting to me.
Yeah, where am I and who am I? Only when I am in the "buddha" state or
awakened, I am know for sure. And I am the one who gives out my lots.
Who else? Anyone else would seem too random, too particular, too
accidental.

Seems these days I am taking a journey to the east, and I am just writing
"home" to report what I have seen. Where are you? I want to show you all
the wonderful things I have "seen" and "wish you were here". Now I
remember some old friends' trips to the east. They told me things but I
dismissed them because I was still enjoying my stay in the west. Do you
believe in cycles? Do you believe the earth is round? It's a joy to
travel around the world, through history, to the depth of my self.
Fascinating. I guess I am not too low. These "mind trips" are what I
enjoy the most.

I did take a "trip" to the music department this afternoon but they were
ready to close. Not surprisingly, the first question they asked me was,
"what degree do you want to pursue?" I said, "I just want to learn music,
and a degree or two would not hurt." They say I have to get a Bachelor
degree first before I can get into the graduate program, but I can talk
with the admission counselor. The professors are all gone for the summer.
I need to set a goal. A degree is not my goal and I have to remember
this, because I am so good at getting degrees without learning anything.
I want to learn to write music well, really well, no matter how long it
takes and how many classes I need to take and how much money I have to
spend. Reasonable enough?

-- email to JA.

Notes on Campbell's Myths to Live By.

VI The inspiration of Oriental Art (1958)

What the glorious spectacle of Oriental art mainly offers are repetitions, over and over, of certain tried and true themes and motifs.

The individual is expected not to innovate or invent, but to perfect himself in the knowledge and rendition of norms.

The basic thesis of the so-called Kundalini yoga system is that there are 7 psychological centers distributed up the body, known as "lotuses," padmas, or as chakras, "wheels,".

1. spiritual torpor / his world is the world of unexhilarated waking consciousness; yet he clings with avidity to this uninspired existence, unwilling to let go, just hanging on. element: earth.

2. genitals / anyone whose energies have mounted to this stage is of a psychology perfectly Freudian. element: water.

3. navel / the governing interest is in consuming, conquering, turning all into his own substance, or forcing all to conform to his way of thought; his psychology, ruled by an insatiable will to power, is of an Adlerian type. element: fire.

4. heart / "the sound that is not made by any two things striking together." element: air

OM (AUM Silence). the holy syllable contains in itself the seed sounds of all words and thus the names of all things and relationships.

(I think J will like this, a syllable containing the sounds of all words.)

A - waking consciousness / mechanistic science, positivistic reasoning / chakras 1, 2, 3
U - dream consciousness / nature of divinities
M - deep dreamless sleep / latent, potential consciousness, undifferentiated, covered with darkness / the universe between cycles.
Silence - even such words as "silence" or "void" can be understood only with reference to sound or to things; this Silence that is no silence but to be heard resounding through all things, whether of waking, dream, or dreamless night....

Things no longer hide their truth, but the marvel is experience that Blake envisioned when he wrote, "If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite."

5. purification / leaving art, religion, philosophy, and even thought behind. element: ether, space.

6. mystic inward eye fully opens, and the mystic inward ear. one is here in Heaven, and the soul beholds its perfect object, God. element: mind.

7. ultimate aim is not the bliss of this sixth but the absolute, nondual state beyond all categories, visions, sentiments, thoughts, and feelings whatsoever.

....we leave behind the world of normal human experience to enter one of earth-inhabiting gnomes, but we also leave behind our normal sense of reality and find these forms to be more true, more real, more intimately our own, somehow, than the accustomed revelations of our light-world lives.

Far East:

The natural tendency of the Far Eastern mind is much more earthly than the Indian, more matter-of-fact and concerned with the optical, temporal, and practical aspects of existence.

Tao: the Way, the Way of Nature. the way in which all things come into being out of darkness into light, then pass out of light back into darkness, the two principles--light and dark--being in perpetual interaction and, in variously modulated combinations, constituting this whole world of "ten thousand things."

Yang is of the sunny side, light, warmth, heat of the sun is dry; Yin is the shady side, cool, earth, moist. There is no moral verdict intended; neither principle is "better" than the other, neither "stronger" than the other. They are the two equally potent grounding principles on which all the world rests, and in their interaction they inform, constitute, and decompose all things.

Six principles of classical painter's art: rhythm, organic form, trueness to nature, color, the placement of the object in the field, style.

(I am thinking, this can be applied to music, to writing, to the art of life as well. How? Can be an interesting project.)

In order to experience what is before him, the artist has mainly to look; and looking is an unaggressive activity. One looks, looks long, and the world comes in. There's an important Chinese term, "wu-wei "not doing," the meaning is not "doing nothing", but "not forcing". Things will open up of themselves, according to their nature.

(It is all interesting to re-educate myself from western point of view of the eastern philosophy and Way of life.)

There are two contrasting Chinese words for law, "li" "tse". Li refers originally to the natural markings on a piece of jade, the veins in the jade, and, by extension, the natural grain of life; Tse, the markings made on a caldron by a stylus, markings made by man, social laws, decreed and contrived, as against natural. The function of art is to know and to make known the laws and patterns of nature and the way nature moves.

This principle of doing through not forcing informs every discipline of the Far East having to do with effective action.

Do best not to ready himself in any specific direction. The only protection is to be in a perpetual state of centeredness in undirected alertness. One is fully conscious all the time, and since life is an expression of consciousness, life is then lived, as it were, of itself.

Dr. A. K. Coomaraswamy, the curator of the Boston Museum of Fine Arts: The artist, in the ancient world, was not a special kind of man, but every man a special kind of artist.

The life that is found on the mountaintop lives within the heart of man when in society too.

For J: Ducunt volentem fata, nolentem trahunt.

The basic approach to life is not of work but of play. Life itself as the art of a game: a wonderfully joyous, invigorating approach to the mixed blessing of existence.

(This is my revelation too: the world is a big playground for me.)

Play hard, accomplish the complicated, even dangerous tasks.

Bhagavad Gita: abandon absolutely all concern for the fruits of action, whether in this world or in the next.

Life as an art and art as a game. Action for its own sake, without thought of gain or of loss, praise or blame.

(Well, this chapter again confirms with me things I have recently learned on my own. Later I should apply, or "project", my learning to a few specific aspects of life--music composition, writing, for example, and perhaps even scientific inquires.)

low. bored. tired. thinking about home. but home is away. too tired to think of home too. only the porch is cool. hundreds of fireflies. girls talking on cell phones passing by. many of them. what about them mosquitoes? i don't know.

reading jack london today. dunno why. thought about writing but don't have the energy. yes, last few days i was with IT. i was BEING. i was THERE. how did it happen? i must figure it out so i can go back whenever i want. now i don't want to go back. i don't want anything. i just want some rest. i think it was the trip to st. paul. it was shostakovich. it was lectures on cds. it was my classmate. it was time.

cycles. yes. i should build a theory on it. i had known this spiral cycle about myself for a long time. since everything and everyone is a reflection of the whole, i would think it only reasonable to assume it a property of the universe. and there's really no direction of up or better, because everything should be a cycle, even the alignment of the spiral, and ultimately it has to return, but at the same time, never the same, always different.

i am going to stop thinking about these things for now. i tried flute and piano today but it was hot in the apartment. when do i start doing music? why do i wait? tomorrow? i was talking to my boss today and told him i wanted to cut down some of the longer term projects. somehow he always makes me wanting to work. but i know i cannot depend on him for my scientific inspiration. with writings i get inspiration from readers. what about music? what about metaphysics? what about love? what about bliss and happiness? what about noodles and dumplings?

dunno.

i wait. the time will come and i shall rise again.

-- email to JA.

Let's see if I can remember what I was reading last night. Campbell's Myths to Live By, V: The Confrontation of East and West in Religion (1970).

In the 1920s, the intellectuals from the West declared the death of religion, because of all the scientific progresses including psychology. However, Spengler's The Decline of the West says that the West is not on its way up, but on its way down. "When he sought for analogies in the classical world, our moment today corresponded to that of the late second century B.C., the time of the Carthaginian Wars, the decline of the culture-world of Greece into Hellenism, and the rise of the military state of Rome, Caesarism, and what he termed the Second Religiousness, politics based on providing bread and circuses to the megalopolitan masses, and a general trend to violence and brutality in the arts and pastimes of the people." What I wrote in the margin is something like: All civilizations are different but similar; none is better or worse; just different. This corresponds to the new insight that everything is different but similar. Nothing is absolute. The Western civilization is not necessarily better than the Eastern, or the past, or the future. All are equal but different. I like this notion very much. This opens one to many more possibilities when studying a particular subject. One can always find parallels in two seemingly different things. The western thoughts are very into the specifics, especially the Americans. Probably this has to do with their relatively shorter history and smaller population. Just a thought.

OK, next. "Frobenius, like Nietzsche before him, saw the present as an epoch of
irreversible advance in the one life course of the entire human race, here
passing from its youthful, locally bounded stages of cultural growths to a new
and general future of as yet unforeseen creative insights and realizations".

---
I am tired and I don't want to think or write or be anymore. I am going to take
a break and be low. These states of bliss are sometimes so tiring....

Not really bad, but just, not so great. No longer the ocean. No longer life. Nothing. Just me on my porch with a beer and a wireless laptop.

-- email to JA.

我每天都写很多文字，可我的手根本跟不上我的思维，我的思维更跟不上我的意识，所以写总结是不可能的。想趁机赶快学一些不熟悉的东西，等这阵子过了（能过吗？）我再写总结。

我 觉得我是海洋，每一个新想法，每一个新知识，每一个新感受，都使我快乐地享受着海洋中一个新的分子的快乐的震动。一小杯水也好，一条入海的大河也好，都是 我。古老的迷信也是我，未来的科学也是我，你说的话也是我，我大海般的意识也是我，天地也是我，生命也是我，因为我是永恒的。

我最应该去做的是学习写诗。

I agree with your assessment of the various antipathies toward the searcher and the search. I also will have to be more open-minded to the possibility that my assessments are subject to similar weaknesses within myself.

yeah, always try to be more open-minded (sometimes it is scary because as this girl asked me today, how do you know if you are not letting in the wrong ideas when you have your mind opened). the reward is that one day you will gain the whole world. hmmm, now i sound like, ..... hmm, you are more learned so you tell me.

Back to Joseph Campbell for a minute. He is a Jungian with a vengeance, isn't he? I had forgotten that much of my distaste was based on New Age appropriation of him. Mea culpa! I will reread Hero..having banished my historical prejudices. Re-education.

Is Hero w/ 1000 Faces a better book than Myths to Live By? Someone highly recommended the Myths book to me a couple of years ago but it wasn't the right time for me to read it. I guess one also need to meet books at the right time and the right mind to appreciate them, just like people. Why did Campbell write so many books? Sometimes I feel one only needs to write one book on one subject if one knows what he wants to say, unless one is a artist. What is a Jungian? Who's Jung and what does he know, or claims to know?

I used to think Taoism is for old people who want to be "detached" and peaceful, but now I think it is actually poetry of the eternal wisdom.

-- email conversation with JA.

tao 38 isn't as profound as i earlier thought, because it deals with social orders, a somewhat "low" and practical subject (he put this verse in the 2nd half of the book himself too). what it says is, don't fool yourself and pretend to be "good". something like that. but the text it is very poignant, and well written. ancient chinese text is always a joy to read, because each character carries a lot more meanings and clarity and ambiguity (at the same time) than modern characters, and much more so than western languages. chinese text are known to be vague and open to interpretation. since one cannot be perfectly precise with words anyway, perhaps the chinese way is better in training people not to get so stuck with words and concepts and such.

dunno.

Part of being a student of the tao is that I write or rewrite one of the
chapters everyday, then I try to live it, my teacher of the tao spoke and
read very well - he said what you say so I think it must be great for poetry
anyway this is what I think , also this is one of my favorties, like all art
lao my have meant one thing but it can mean several things, which is like
the tao too

yes, chinese language is very good for poetry. my teacher (thesis advisor, but he is a better taoist than a thesis advisor) also said the same thing. western languages are better at scientific and philosophical inquiries because of its higher degree of preciseness (although nothing can be truly precise unless you want to say what is not). but then, science seems to be much narrower than poetry. western learning starts from the specific and aims to understand the whole. eastern understanding starts from the whole and aims to live the specific. guess we each have to pick what suits our own temperament.

the english translation from gia-fu feng is misleading in two lines--"A truly good man does nothing, / Yet leaves nothing undone. / A foolish man is always doing, / Yet much remains to be done." although i like what it says, it's quite different from what lao tsu tries to say, even if it's open to interpretation. a more literally translation is something like, "a superior good people does the do-nothing-deliberately (i.e. goodness) but it is done (i.e. the not-doing is done); a inferior good people does the do-nothing-deliberately (or goodness), but he actually does it (deliberately)." ok, i know my style of writing is not being concise. maybe i am just too kind.

today i saw another translation but it was not good at all--very persuasive. only people have true understanding of tao should be allowed to publish their translations/interpretations. you are right that lao zi (lao tsu) is a poet. we can say that zhuang zi is a humorist or a story teller. people always want to mark them as philosophers or thinkers. i think anyone who has reached tao would not be satisfied to just be a philosopher; he is more likely to put his understanding back in whatever he chooses to do in life, be a poet, a story teller, a bum, a scientist, or whatever.

why am i being so insightful? all i want is to sit on my porch and drink beer and read a good book.

-- email conversation with ST.

这阵子觉得理解什么都很快，简直不费吹灰之力，想借机找些难一点的题目来参悟参悟。一个朋友在研究易经，我也想研究，但不知从何开始，连看什么书都不知道（他不告诉我）。另外还有什么好题目吗？尤其是些古老的迷信的东西。

科学啊哲学啊，就只是些道理来来回回说，不是很难，因为，虽然答案还暂时找不到（恐怕永远也找不完全），但道路都明摆在面前了，硬着头皮走就是了。所以有时会觉得不耐烦、枯燥，想换换口味。

It's true that "not all are excited by the journey or the search". I think some people don't believe it is meaningful (it's useless), some don't believe it is possible (it's wrong), some have failed and are jealous of those who are still on the road (it's stupid), some don't understand the concept (it's crazy).... They are either ignorant or scared. It's a sign of weakness, now I know. It is particularly difficult on those who are still seeking. I was just thinking about something related to this problem yesterday. There is nothing wrong in people having different paths or preferences in life, but the weaker ones are likely to disagree or condemn others who are different from them, or the ones that have gone further, and in the meanwhile, the more aware ones are likely to understand and accept the difference in people. It's like, the more you search and find, the greater you become, and the more you can take in within you. That's why we say the Masters are great. So I believe there is some "scale" in people. Nobody is wrong or better, but different, and the difference is in the awareness and "greatness".

I want to claim that "I have found", and I know you said you are skeptical of all who are self-declared. :) But you see, now I seldom make value judgment of other people. Now I have so much more understanding and tolerance and compassion toward all people. Everything and everyone has its and his own reason and place in the universe. Isn't what I am finding similar to those of the great Masters in the past? I don't know which Masters I am talking about, but I feel my direction or my position is "right" (as opposed to "not so right", not "wrong").

No writing these days except these what I call "journey reports". Everything goes in cycles. Sometimes I want to write, sometimes I want to play, sometimes I want to converse....

I just want to tell you about my current state. I have been more and more enlightened these days. My self confidence is at its best. I truly understand that I am very blessed with certain metaphysical talents that few people have. I have been talking to various people, physicists, engineers, philosophers, scholars, writers, ordinary people, .... and although some of them understand me in theory, and some of them believe me in their heart, most of them I know will never get it unless they open up their mind. Now I understand why the mind has to be open and empty before true wisdom can be pour in.

I want to quit science next year when my visa runs out, and I will study music. I have done enough formal research and I am tired of all the procedures. I want to immerse myself in the study of music, and I believe music can bring me further in my experience of life.

I was reading a little basic concept of Hinduism (and also some Judaism) the other day and I was surprised and glad that I could understand it so easily and deeply. I have never learned anything about world religions before (except when I went to a Catholic high school), but now I am interested in seeing how everything fits together. I am also reading Tao Te Ching, one chapter a day, and I write a physicist version while ST writes his own version. What's the use? I don't know, but it is all so fun and interesting now.

I feel I am truly liberated, or detached, these days. The future is limitless, and the world is a big playground for me. So now you see, I am still rising, and I am enjoying the new view.

Many thanks for the help on the way.

-- email to F.

Be careful of Campbell; he often oversimplifies to suit his prejudices.

Be careful of Campbell! OK. I am just finding what he knows very interesting and insightful, but you know me, I don't easily subscribe to any ideas because I always have so much doubt and I am not easily attached. See how handy this detachment skill is, in my search?

Tell me about Campbell's prejudices. I don't know much about him. I enjoyed listening to his "lectures" The Power of Myths and I got a set of DVD for it that I haven't watched. A few years ago when I declared that I wanted to start my own religion, a well-read friend suggested Campbell's The Hero with a Thousand Faces but I haven't read it. I can guess what he tries to say in that book, but it would be interesting to learn some details. He seems to be quite learned.

The Greeks also have a very different story. Gods created Man and later Woman. The first Being, Chaos (The Void/Undifferentiated Being), is in thought female. Gods and people routinely coupled after the arrival of humans. While there are many more instances of male gods and female humans as couples, there are important examples of female gods and male humans. And it is the Greeks who are honest enough, apart from their myths, to state that man makes god in his own image. Men become "gods" when least likely, at the moment of their death.

Yes, I like the idea that Gods and people often have affairs with one another. There should really be no real difference between gods and people. All should be equal but different, because who is there to assign the hierarchy of creations? Especially when I think (and I know) that the world is cyclic rather than one dimensional. A cyclic universe is the most elegant and simple and full of wonders.

My scientific expertise is study of the formation of benzene. You know the story of discovery of benzene structure? Benzene is a hydrocarbon chemical of 6 carbon and 6 hydrogen atoms. Before the discovery, all hydrocarbon that scientists knew were linear in structure, but somehow the structure of benzene is impossible to understand. This guy, I don't remember his name, thought about the problem for a long time. One night he was sleeping and he dreamed of a snake biting his own tail, and he realized the structure of benzene could only be cyclic. The 6 carbon atoms are linked together to form a hexagon, the 6 hydrogen atoms are attached to each of the carbon atoms, and 6 electrons are shared by all carbon atoms equally. I don't know if this story is true, but I like it nonetheless. It illustrates the simplicity and elegance of nature. In science, the simplest and more elegant theory is the best. So scientists also believe in the beauty of theories. That's why physicists worship Newton and Einstein. Science, art, religion, are just different aspects of the same thing, and equally important. We all need to find our preference, but personally I want to grasp the whole picture, probably because I feel I can.

Campbell reintroduces a western appreciation of Eastern religiosity in western terms. He downplays the significance of western thought because he believed it (over)emphasized enough. What many moderns fall prey to is the causal relationship fallacy. If something is the same in two cultures, then one must have given it to the other (or an earlier one gave it to both). I think grossly underrated is the theory that two cultures can come up with very similar expressions independently. While I am not sure how much weight to give Jungian archetypes, I do believe there are similarities of human thought across cultures. We seek patterns and similarities.

Why do you say "the theory that two cultures can come up with very similar expressions independently" is underrated? I once read that one expression of intelligence is the ability to see similarities in things that are very different, and see the differences in things that are very similar, something like that. This sounds like Tao to me. There are always two sides of things. I say, seek tolerance in understanding, and balance in action.

-- email conversation with JA.

> I read your recent blog. I think you may consider
> doing a PhD in Psychology, instead of studying music.
> It may be closer to things you care about: pesonal
> development, happiness, enlightenment ... You can do
> something like this Psychology professor did:
> http://www.psych.upenn.edu/seligman/
> Of course, just a thought.

I don't want to study psychology. Psychology is all just common sense which I have plenty and I don't need to learn more. Personal development, happiness, enlightenment, I think I know better about these than most people who study them. Probably they can use me as a subject and learn from me.

Also I am through with science. :) Music is different. Music brings one further in one's experience of life.

(in a later email)

What I was trying to say is, I think if I take on studies in philosophy or psychology or similar things, I would probably lose my patience in research. I am so tired of formal research. I want to learn something to nourish and purify my soul. But I know I will keep learning about the mind, the heart, and other human natures.

-- email reply to TJ.

I admire your confidence. Perhaps doubts have always had an important place in my life. But I think you could agree that could have a positive impact.

Doubt is like my middle name and I cannot get rid of it. The more I doubt, the further I have to go to find a solution for it. Now I have found a way to accept it and celebrate it. Positive impact? I would say it is just part of me, neither positive nor negative.

I understand many contradictions. Some I don't.

I think contradiction is an intrinsic characteristics of the world. I have learned to embrace them, and sometimes I try to understand some.

I do not seek detachment. Detachment is an illusion. And not just in the language of relationship. When one says "I am detached." the very utterance belies the statement. Why make it, unless there is significance in stating it to someone? To someone. An attachment.

I know you want attachment. That was what I had always wanted, because I had been an outsider for so long and I wanted to belong. But now I am no longer avidly seeking approval or acceptance or attachment. Seeking attachment is also another form of "closeness", and anyone who wants to be free cannot find final liberation in attachment. Of course people are all different. Some want to be free and some want bondage. Maybe that's why the "sages" sometimes talk about the difference between "ordinary people" and "sages". But then again, anyone who seeks detachment should not attach himself to the idea of being detached. The wise one does not argue for or against detachment. Any argument would be cyclic, just like the universe. That's why they always teach one to "say nothing if you want to talk about it", and they teach you not even to believe them.

I like this idea of a cyclic universe very much. I think everything is cyclic. Every individual has to find his or her own location in the cyclic scale, and since the universe is continuous and infinite, no two people occupies the same spot. The more open or more "awakened" one is, the greater portion of the cycle one can occupy. The truly enlightened ones can co-exist with the full cycle of nature, live with the universe, and therefore detach oneself from the ordinary life and death. Something like that.

Hmm, this idea is similar to Tao Te Ching 50, the passage I was reading yesterday. Also reflects the passage about "ordinary", "wise", "saintly", "holy" people I was reading too. But I do not want to attach myself to one theory or another or my own theory, even I know them to be true.

-- email conversation with JA.

Did you see what I am "writing" these days? Do you think it's a good idea to write down my thoughts? I lost so many of them earlier while I was driving. I listened to lectures on Hinduism and Judaism after Shostakovich. I truly enjoyed Hinduism, because it is closer to what I have experienced, and it is also very poetic. The passage I cited from pre-Hinduism, the Rig Veda, is more a poem than a "Bible". I especially love the first line (Then was neither non-existence nor existence) and the last few line (he verily knows it, or perhaps he knows it not). I was going to write a little commentary for this. From the little I learned, I came to know that both Hinduism and Judaism have complicated and specific rules and laws telling people how to live their lives. Interesting. But I suppose since there is no real preferred way to live a physical life, it should not matter much if one follows the strict rules. The part I like about Hinduism is the many many god and goddess in their religion. The people understand that God has many faces, therefore the more images and varieties of god they create, the less one will attach a specific image to the true Being which cannot be named, described, imagined. This is why the Christian God is the least satisfying, because it not only has a gender, a conventional image, but also a personality, and his concept is so concrete.

It is so interesting now to think about religions. I would like to learn more about different religions, mythologies (Campbell is now my hero), and perhaps some philosophy (but philosophy is so much like science!). Of the few that I am thinking about right now, the Judaism religion seems the most limited, because it has one god, and one chosen people. Next comes the Christian religion, with its one god (Catholic cannot even talk directly to this one god, right? I wonder how they can endure that.) The Hinduism religion is quite open, because they recognize the many manifestations of god, so everything can be god, probably even the Christian god. Then in Taoism, there is no god, no supreme being, but only nature, so there is no artificial "god". I don't know where to put Buddhism (and Zen), in which there is nothing, not even nature, not even self, not even Buddhism itself. The more broad, the more open, the more accepting, the more natural "religion" or "attitude", should be the closer to Truth. Hmm, I have a book of Mayan "bible" and it might be fun to read it and compare to others. And there are the Greeks, the Muslim, and some others...

I didn't intend to write this long. You see, once I start to think and write, I cannot stop. I will put these letters in my blog.

-- email to JA.

I find myself more and more religious these days.

Read some of The Razor's Edge. It is not a very deep novel, and the character Larry Darrell is rather flat, but it is more like a story of me, a story about a seeker. The purpose of these books is only for seekers like me to say, "I recognize this in my search", so I won't feel alone anymore.

It is maybe coincidence or maybe it is not, but I was learning some basics of Hinduism a couple of days ago, and Larry's account of his learning in India makes a lot sense to me. I read and understand Hinduism without any difficulties, as if I have known it already. I smile to myself and my mind is racing in the universe. Yes, I can say with certitude that I have truly found IT. Every bit of new knowledge only confirms with my belief.

It is interesting to note how I become religious. My path is a rather odd one. Grew up in a communist environment, I was a most ardent believer of Marxism among my generation. But at the same time Marxism teaches me to think objectively and to question vigorously. Somehow I was attracted to the simplicity and beauty of math and physical science, and I realized that physics could answer certain metaphysical questions. So I went to study physics. Now I am able to say that science doesn't give us all answers and will never do.

I had always been an atheist but I was open to things I did not understand, so I became an agnostic, and then I became even vaguer--a non-conformist in faith. Growing up in China where Taoism and Buddhism are in the grammar of the language, in the fabric of life, in the air and on the ground, I inevitably developed a flexible mind. I was open and skeptical of all things. I had been struggling for years to find a goal in life. I knew I was looking for something, but I did not know what. The search had been difficult because of the unknown, but it was probably better this way that I was not looking for "God" or "Tao" or anything that had a name. I was brave and truthful to myself. I constantly had doubts and questions about myself. I didn't believe science had all the answers, but I did not put down science. I knew science could lead us to certain truth, but there were more to Truth than what a small portion of the human population set their heart or mind to do. I thought, it should not be right if only half a dozen string theorist could understand the true reality of the universe while everyone else depends on their "learning". And of course this could be said to religion as well. And to arts. There must be something that unifies all human experience.

The "enlightenment" was unexpected. An event, an experience. At the time, I understood all the things I have learned before, and unified all my beliefs. Now, every new thing I learn, I become more enlightened. I am not gaining more Truth, since Truth is only one. I am gaining better understanding of Truth through gaining more knowledge. Knowledge is probably the only thing that can be accumulated and has a chronological significance, in the sense that we now *know* more than people in the past. On the other hand, wisdom cannot be accumulated. People in the past could gain just as much wisdom and understanding of the Universe as us in the present, or perhaps more, because in their search they were less distracted by the illusion of knowledge. We in the present era often mistake knowledge for wisdom.

I think it is still true the mind is a good way to search for Infinite, at least for me. One important thing is, if you don't know something, do not make up your mind to say that you are for it or against it. Be truthful. There is nothing wrong if one has doubts. The more doubts one has, the closer one is to the answers, because a closed mind cannot learn. Be doubtful, be open, be empty, but be strong, because one day you will find yourself filled with Truth and joy. I think some Zen masters also said something like this....

Yesterday I had dinner with a Chinese couple. The husband is a physics Ph.D. student, and the wife is still deciding what to do with her life. I wanted to encourage her to do whatever her heart wanted to do (she mentioned landscape gardening) and not worry too much about the practical side of things. Her husband wanted her to study computer. Trying to save her, I got into arguments with him. He was so scientific that he refused to think outside of his system. While we were talking, the girl became more and more excited and her eyes were shining with delight. She said she couldn't truly understand what I was saying but she felt she had glimpses of something truly wholly and wonderful. She felt indescribable joy. What could she have realized in my speech? Only Truth can have that effect on anyone. So again, I know I am with the Truth.

To be truly enlightened and free, one has to be detached from everything--money, ideas, self, desires.... And this detachment, or the break of human bondage, is not something I always want to do yet. Sometimes I am afraid of detachment. I fear when I am detached, I run the risk of being lost instead of being free. Is this something I can actively work on? Perhaps that's why many enlightened still need to meditate or to pray, in order to get in touch with the Absolute.

I am still finding my true temperament, but I don't attach any importance to whatever I do as a career or a job. This is a liberation.

I was reading a Taoism website (in Chinese) and it talked about four different kinds of men. (1) Ordinary one: born and die with the laws of the universe; move with the moon and the stars; encounter good and bad luck, happy and sad feelings; cannot be in charge; (2) Wise one: understand and live with the laws of the universe; know how to find happiness and avoid bad luck; do not go into cycles of ups and downs; (3) Saintly one: or prophet, have vision of the laws of the universe; add to the goodness and reduce the badness of the world; have positive effect on all livings; (4) Holy one: understand all are manifestations of the laws of the universe, everything is empty, nothing born nothing die, nothing dirty nothing clean, nothing gain nothing lose; detached, useless, live with the universe, travel in space and time, free.

I am no longer an Ordinary one. I think being a Saintly one is good, and probably suitable to my temperament. I shall have more compassion and more responsibility toward people. And I shall learn to write well so I can tell people what I know and give my fellow travelers some guidance or comfort in their search for happiness and peace.


『凡 夫』
隨緣生滅於世間，受天命主宰，
隨著月圓月缺，物換星移，
得順逆之境、悲歡之情、苦樂之果，
遭榮辱輪迴，作不了主。

『智 者』
明天地萬物運作之道，得以順應天理、
遇事避凶趨吉，不墮興衰循環。

『聖 人』
行事預見天命，隨機順勢而作，
增善減惡，德被蒼生，萬物皆興。

『至 人』
了悟因果業報、興衰生滅，皆自然法則顯現。
諸法空相，不生不滅、不垢不淨、不增不減。
是故能夠萬境不染、無功無業、不墮輪迴，
逍遙遨遊宇宙之間，穿梭時空，來去無滯。

Myths to Live By, IV

So I have started reading Joseph Campbell's "Myths to Live By" again. Read "The Separation of East and West". Profoundly insightful. No wonder it was highly recommended to me by M who seems to be very wise.

The main theme of this short article is that, the East tradition is to eliminate individuality (it is not even a concept) while the West tradition is to emphasis individuality. Campbell divides the world into four cultures: Orient--India and the Far East (China and Japan); Occident--the Levant (Near East) and Europe. In the very beginning of Orient society, "no such thing as an individual life, but only one great cosmic law by which all things are governed in their places". The law was known as Maat in Egyptian, Me in Sumerian, Tao in Chinese, Dharma in Sanskrit.

The modern European values the individuation--a term Jung used to designate the psychological process of achieving individual wholeness.

"To become individuated, to live as a released individual, one has to know how and when to put on and to put off the masks of one's various life roles. But this is not easy, since some of the masks cut deep. They include judgment and moral values. They include one's pride, ambition, and achievement. They include one's infatuations. It is a common thing to be overly impressed by and attached to masks, either some mask of one's own or the mana-masks of others.... Every life is the realization of a whole, that is, of a self, for which reason this realization can be called 'individuation'. All life is bound to individual carriers who realize it. Every carrier is charged with an individual destiny and destination, and the realization of this alone makes sense of life."

For the Oriental, "The universe from which we are to strive thus for realize is to be known as an ever-appearing-and-disappearing dreamlike delusion, rising and falling in recurrent cycles." I was just reading Tao Te Ching and came upon this passage (50) that I translated as:

I don't know its name / so I call it Tao / or better yet, Infinity
Infinity can also multiply / and grows into infinitesimal / and back to Infinity

So this is what's behind the ever expanding and shrinking universe theory. No wonder I say that science is merely a reflection of the Truth, or the Universe.

Section 3 of the article is rather interesting when Campbell compares the mythology about the Deluge. (1) In India the number of years of a Day of Brahma is 4,320,000,000, and then a Night of Brahma when all lies dissolved in the cosmic sea for another 4,320,000,000 years, so the sum total of years of an entire cosmic rounding is 8,640,000,000. (2) In the Icelandic eddas, there are 540 doors and through each of these there will go at the end of the world 800 battle-ready warriors to join combat with the anti-gods, and 800x540 = 432,000. (3) Each day we have 60 seconds x 60 minutes x 24 hours = 86,400 seconds, so in the course of this day, night follows light, dawn follows darkness; therefore a cosmic days and nights. (4) In Babylonian mythology, there elapse 432,000 years between the crowning of the first Sumerian king and the coming of the Deluge. (5) In the Bible, between the creation of Adam and the coming of Noah's flood there elapse 1656 years, or 86,400 seven-day weeks.... Interesting coincident!

Section 4 is the most insightful. Campbell talks about "three versions of a single ancient myths", which illustrates "the contrast of the general Oriental and the two differing Occidental views of the character and highest virtue of the individual". (1) India. In the beginning there is nothing but "the Self" in the form of a man. The Self became aware of "It is I", and went on splitting into two--male and female--to be delighted. Human race arose. She thought, "How can he unite with me, who am of his own substance?" and she hides. She becomes a cow and he a bull to unite with her; cattle arose. It went on like this until all animals arose. The he realized, "I am Creation, for I have poured forth all this" and the concept of creation arose. "Anyone understanding this becomes, truly, himself a creator in this creation."

(2) Levantine. Genesis. Adam was created by his maker, and woman was taken from one of his ribs. Here it was not the god who was split in two, but his created servant. So God remained apart of a different substance from man. "In the Orient the guiding ideal is that each should realize that he himself and all others are of the one substance of that universal Being of beings which is, in fact, the same Self at all". This is what I have felt when I was "one with Being". "Hence the typical aim of an Oriental religion is that one should experience and realize in life one's *identity* with that Being; whereas in the West, the ideal is to become engaged in a *relationship* with the absolutely other Person who is one's Maker, apart and out there, in no sense one's innermost Self".

(3) Greek. The race of man already in existence, one entirely male who reside in the sun; one female on earth; one males and females joined, on moon. The gods being fearful of their strength, Zeus and Apollo cut them in two. Those divided parts, came together and embraced. So, "human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called love.... and if we are friends of God and reconciled to him we shall find our own true loves". In this version, the being split in two is not the ultimate divinity, so the problem is the *relationship* between man and God. But the Greek gods were not the *creators* of the human race, but more like man's elder and strong brothers. "The Greeks are on man's side, both in sympathy and in loyalty; the Hebrews, on God's".

Very interesting!!

The Razor's Edge / a book report

I just finished Maugham's The Razor's Edge. TJ says this book is written for me. I think it is rather a book written about me. Similar to some of Hesse's books (I have read Siddhartha, Demian, Narcissus and Goldmund, The Journey to the East), this book is about the life of a sage, Larry, in becoming. However, Maugham's story is predictable and the characters are stereotyped. The portrait of Larry is too saintly and too flat. I like Hesse better. Hesse's language is much more poetic and passionate. Nonetheless, this is the first fiction of this sort that I have read since my becoming. I am reading so much of me in the story of Larry. Perhaps the stories of all seekers are similar. Larry started his search by asking questions about the existence of evil. In the end he still has no clear answer for it"

Ramakrishna looked upon the world as the sport of God. "It's like a game. In this game there are joy and sorrow, virtue and vice, knowledge and ignorance, good and evil. The game cannot continue if sin and suffering are altogether eliminated from the creation." I would reject that with all my strength. The best I can suggest is that when the Absolute manifested itself in the world evil was the natural correlation of good.... The best to be said for it is that when you've come to the conclusion that something is inevitable all you can do is to make the best of it. (p.279)

I have also thought about something similar to this problem recently. It is something like, science will never answer all our questions, and there is always something that we will never understand. Because if one day we understand everything, then what will we continue to live for? And that also place a different significance of a time when we understand everything to a time when we are ignorant. But since time goes on continuously like the natural numbers, all points of time are equally different and unique. So, the "game" cannot continue if all can be understood.

Back to Larry and me. Even Larry has no satisfying answer for his quest, it does not prevent him from believing. This also reminds me of this concept I recently recognized -- "Because we know something is true, it doesn't necessarily mean we understand it".

For me, I started my search by questioning myself, my belief system(s), my ability to comprehend and assimilate, my reasoning, my sanity... In another word, I did not question the moral values of things, but the validity of science and logic. Somehow I have also found the Absolute. This further shows that all earnest quests shall lead to the same and only Truth.

I don't know what this book does to non-seekers. I hope everyone knows some serious seekers and they will have better understanding of those who seek.

email exceprts of the day:

11:46 AM

JJ also agrees that my astrological sign is wrong. (Hey, we are both planetary scientists and we should know what we are talking about. :)

Everyone is insecure one thing or another and to varying degrees, unless one is truly enlightened. For me, for many years the only thing that I had any secure feeling about was my driving ability. I think only when we truly realize our unique being in this world, we can shed our insecurity and enjoy being our full selves and realize our potentials. My theory of the day, but it sounds wise, no?

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03:52 PM

People don't always behave the way they know they should.

I am probably very melancholic and pensive (nice words) too, but I also enjoy the lighter side. I enjoy all human drama.

"Schopenhauer has intensive writings on music, which he thinks is the highest art form. He is a big (maybe the best) metaphysical thinker in the west, maybe you can read some of his stuff".

Now, about music. I want to go into music school next year. I have always wanted to become a composer since I was young, and I took some classes a few years ago but I never got systematic training. Today I was thinking, maybe I should go into musicology, since I am fairly good at analyzing and theorize things? I don't know. What you said about Schopenhauer is interesting and I should read some of his and see if I can get any inspiration. I sort of like to think that I am original and want to be an artist.... Tell me what I should read.

I am a big Prokofiev fan so I don't care much for Shostakovich. I just borrowed a Teaching Company lectures from the library (first time) and the topic was Shostakovich. His life is very interesting and I hope to learn to appreciate him. I just bought 3 CDs today and borrowed a bunch of Shostakovich, although I already have a dozen of his. My own music appreciation these days actually stops at Bach! I basically skip everyone between Bach and Wagner these days. When I was young I listened to too much Classical and Romantic periods so now I cannot stand anyone, especially Tchaikovsky. But don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE Tchaikovsky Sym 5, slow movement. Once during a prolonged depressed period, I heard the second movement from the radio in my car, and I just could not drive anymore. I had to stop the car and sat there, listening, my heart was in tears.... So now while writing you this, I put the second movement on and relive the moment.

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06:01 PM

Would I be interested in musicology? Theory of music? Schopenhauer sounds interesting, since I am in this "metaphysical" mindset right now. Unfortunately I don't know anything about this guy. Hmmm, so much to read and to learn. Am I goofing off or am I getting ready? I don't know. I will try to write a bit today so I will say I have done something.

I know I am not a genius in composition. I can write music and I will enjoy writing music. But how natural it is for me to compose? I suppose I will have to try it once to find out. This I know for sure, that I will really enjoy being immersed in music all day long, so no matter what music I do I should like it. Wishful thinking? I don't know.

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07:26 PM

I don't know what about musicology. Is it the equivalent of literature critics? Or simply literature study? What about the philosophy of music? How is music connected to other things metaphysically? I have never thought much about it though. I always want to separate music from the study of it. I don't like to read what people say about a piece of music. OK if they talk about a composer. When I was trying to get into the composition program at the high school attached to the Central Music Conservatory in Beijing, the school principle (a friend of ours) suggested that I study music theory because of my strong background in writing and math. How did she know about my background back then? I didn't want to do theory. I wanted to be the composer, the star.

So what do I want to write in my life? All I want is to write a Requiem. Is that morbid thought? Of course I want to write symphonies and chamber music and perhaps an opera. But I do want to write some choral music as beautiful as those pre-Baroque. I think I can tell my desire to the professors I talk to in the music school. I will do so when I get back from my little trips.

What about Schopenhauer? I don't know. These Chinese people always read so much and make me feel ill-read (right word?). OK, I will forget about Schopenhauer. I have plenty to read and there's always music.

I know a little about Copland. I wrote a piece for my sister's wedding and after the performance, someone told me it sounded like Copland. I was surprised but I realized the use of, ouch, I can't remember them musical terms!!! perfect fifths, made whatever I wrote sound like Copland. He is very American though. My piece was intended to be Chinese..... But it was good if it was both Chinese and American, since the union was between a Chinese and an American. Aha, there's a little drama I see in that little event.

I want to listen to more Bartok. I should like to study Bach, Wagner, and Bartok. I think they consist of a nice set of of all musical languages. Now I am rather impatient to start my music training. But I shall wait.

HB, what you have realized is very close to Tao. This is also what I have learned recently.

> I've also come to realize that for the same world some people hold more positive views and some hold more negative views.

Yes, people are all different, not good or bad, but different. There's nothing we can do about it except to recognize each other's difference and not be distracted or confused by them.

> I've come to realize that the world is always full of noise, and the audiences are mostly just ignorant or indifferent. This finding helps me a lot in company when I have to deal with the frustration when the bosses are ignorant or biased.

True too. Most people don't know or don't care about most things, so we should not take them more seriously than they take themselves. Why waste our energy?

> What can a person do except for keeping a positive view and a humorous attitude?

I have also come to realize that all we can change is our own attitude. We cannot change other people, and we cannot even change ourselves. The smart thing to do is to use whatever we have to deal with to our own advantage--to amuse ourselves in difficult situations and laugh at the whatever it is that makes life interesting. As my friend says, "life is pretty funny if you take the time to look hard enough and quite beautiful if you can look a little longer".

> What I can do is only trying my best not to waste my time. What I can do is to smile when my eyes are open, and close my eyes when I'm tired.

Can I quote you? You are in the spirit of true wisdom. Take it easy and go with the flow, and only then we can truly enjoy the view and be amazed.

These days I often think in metaphysical terms. I think about life, the world, the universe, and I think how my daily life and my humble self can fit in the grand scheme of things. Lots of inspiration all the time. And I love sharing my thoughts with good friends...

Why can't I live in the moment and set no goals? Why do I still look around, look behind, look ahead, when I know I should only look upward, look outward, look inward? When do I grow into my certain self?

All my life I had been waiting for my life to begin. After the "enlightenment" experience, I finally have the feeling that my life has started, just now. Although I still don't know exactly what to do with my life, I don't feel bad about not knowing anymore. I have gradually realized who my unique self is. I am smart, intelligent, nice, pretty, and I have a score of other good qualities. I should be able to do whatever I want to do. Yes, it is all just a change in attitudes.

I think my strength is not in science, not in music, but in some area like metaphysics. I feel I possess some special "metaphysical faculty" to understand systems, and I can easily come up with "original" ideas. I will just have to find a way to make it work for me.

I have learned that, the only way to comprehend anything or anyone is to be flexible, to be truthful, to be holistic.

What does it mean to be a Chinese? What do we have to give up? Why am I writing about Fresno girls when there are so many stories of Chinese in America? Too close to me to write about? Too disheartening? Too sad.... and nobody knows how to tell their stories, and nobody cares to know their stories, because they are truly nobodies once they are Chinese in America.

I am getting discouraged. Why do I always see the sadness?? And why do I feel so much that I want to weep?

-- email excerpt to JA

I started reading The Blank Slate. I think I know what Pinker is trying to say in the book and I think I understand his view. I am glad someone has decided to write a book about it in somewhat scientific way. I grew up championing Marxism and science, and I even went to study a hard science. But see, Marxism and science teach one how to think and how to question and how to reconcile. The more I learn, the more I know this is true--that there is more to what we can ever learn and know, that there's always more that is possible, that mysteries and the unknowable are perhaps what keep human beings sane and hopeful, and that only a flexible mind can hope to comprehend more. Human nature, ah, yes, beautiful, powerful, mysterious, and always beyond our grasp.

-- email excerpt to F.

The bird that I hope to catch in the net of this play is not the solution of one man's psychological problem. I'm trying to catch the true quality of experience in a group of people, that cloudy, flickering, evanescent--fiercely charged!--interplay of live human beings in the thundercloud of a common crisis. Some mystery should be left in the revelation of character in a play, just as a great deal of mystery is always left in the revelation of character in life, even in one's own character to himself. This does not absolve the playwright of his duty to observe and probe as clearly and deeply as he legitimately can: but it should steer him away from "pat" conclusions, facile definitions which make a play just a play, not a snare for the truth of human experience.

-- Tennessee Williams, Cat On a Hot Tin Roof