2/28/2005

I know you think people should help each other, but seriously I don't believe that other people can make us happy unless we are happy ourselves. I think each individual should try to understand him/herself first and become a mature person (not a perfect person, but someone who knows how to solve own problems, with or without other's help) before engaging in a relationship. For me I feel I have grown into this relatively mature person only in the last couple of years.

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I have this strong desire to find connections with people, perhaps because I grew up feeling so alone and disconnected. I thought if I could listen to others and accept them as who they are, then they would somehow in turn accept me. After many years of practice I have developed the skills or gift to connect with people (I wouldn't say it's a gift to understand, because I think everyone can understand everyone else if everyone is open-minded, non-judgemental, and loving.)

When I am low, I am more self-centered and less loving....

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sometimes i wonder if i exaggerate my importance in relating to people. i really feel a sense of accomplishment and worth when someone turns to me when they are sad or depressed or confused. but probably they turn to many others, and i am just one of their listeners. sometimes i don't know if they really feel i can help them re-connect and relate to the world when they are lonely and lost. i'd like to think i am making a difference. but i know this for sure, that sometimes you feel that i can understand him better than anyone else can. :))))

-- email excerpts to boyfriend