Very agitated. Wish I knew how to calm down and be productive again. Last night I picked up the Upanishads again. Books like this are like religious texts that religious people read to get in touch with their gods. I suppose if I am calm enough, Bible or Koran would help, although today when I was listening to Shalom Goldman's lecture on Ancient Near Eastern Mythology, the romantic Songs of Solomon were hardly soothing. I have no patience right now to gain insights into the Bible or metaphysical meanings of life. I only want the practical advice on how to conduct life in a peaceful and joyful way. I no longer want to ask why and who and what. I want to know how.

(Is this a sign that I am getting old??? I wrote the following on Sunday: "For the first time in my life, I want what other people have. This is different from the earlier times when I wanted what others had because I thought they knew how to be happy and I knew not. Now I know what happiness is and how to attain it, in theory. I want to experience life like everyone else. I shall not lose myself even if I live like everyone else. Deep down inside of myself I know who I am.") The problem is that only deep down inside I know who I am, but when I am troubled, I am on the surface. I cannot reach inside. I need to find a way to go back to myself, to get in touch with the godhead inside of myself.

"... live in steadiness, purity, and truth..." (Prasna Upanishad)

Perhaps wisdom is the ability to transform learnings into the desired attitude and action. I have much to learn. After writing this, I am more peaceful. I think the Islamic way of praying five times a day is very wise. If for five times a day I am reminded of who I am, I will probably become who I am.