email exceprts of the day:

11:46 AM

JJ also agrees that my astrological sign is wrong. (Hey, we are both planetary scientists and we should know what we are talking about. :)

Everyone is insecure one thing or another and to varying degrees, unless one is truly enlightened. For me, for many years the only thing that I had any secure feeling about was my driving ability. I think only when we truly realize our unique being in this world, we can shed our insecurity and enjoy being our full selves and realize our potentials. My theory of the day, but it sounds wise, no?

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03:52 PM

People don't always behave the way they know they should.

I am probably very melancholic and pensive (nice words) too, but I also enjoy the lighter side. I enjoy all human drama.

"Schopenhauer has intensive writings on music, which he thinks is the highest art form. He is a big (maybe the best) metaphysical thinker in the west, maybe you can read some of his stuff".

Now, about music. I want to go into music school next year. I have always wanted to become a composer since I was young, and I took some classes a few years ago but I never got systematic training. Today I was thinking, maybe I should go into musicology, since I am fairly good at analyzing and theorize things? I don't know. What you said about Schopenhauer is interesting and I should read some of his and see if I can get any inspiration. I sort of like to think that I am original and want to be an artist.... Tell me what I should read.

I am a big Prokofiev fan so I don't care much for Shostakovich. I just borrowed a Teaching Company lectures from the library (first time) and the topic was Shostakovich. His life is very interesting and I hope to learn to appreciate him. I just bought 3 CDs today and borrowed a bunch of Shostakovich, although I already have a dozen of his. My own music appreciation these days actually stops at Bach! I basically skip everyone between Bach and Wagner these days. When I was young I listened to too much Classical and Romantic periods so now I cannot stand anyone, especially Tchaikovsky. But don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE Tchaikovsky Sym 5, slow movement. Once during a prolonged depressed period, I heard the second movement from the radio in my car, and I just could not drive anymore. I had to stop the car and sat there, listening, my heart was in tears.... So now while writing you this, I put the second movement on and relive the moment.

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06:01 PM

Would I be interested in musicology? Theory of music? Schopenhauer sounds interesting, since I am in this "metaphysical" mindset right now. Unfortunately I don't know anything about this guy. Hmmm, so much to read and to learn. Am I goofing off or am I getting ready? I don't know. I will try to write a bit today so I will say I have done something.

I know I am not a genius in composition. I can write music and I will enjoy writing music. But how natural it is for me to compose? I suppose I will have to try it once to find out. This I know for sure, that I will really enjoy being immersed in music all day long, so no matter what music I do I should like it. Wishful thinking? I don't know.

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07:26 PM

I don't know what about musicology. Is it the equivalent of literature critics? Or simply literature study? What about the philosophy of music? How is music connected to other things metaphysically? I have never thought much about it though. I always want to separate music from the study of it. I don't like to read what people say about a piece of music. OK if they talk about a composer. When I was trying to get into the composition program at the high school attached to the Central Music Conservatory in Beijing, the school principle (a friend of ours) suggested that I study music theory because of my strong background in writing and math. How did she know about my background back then? I didn't want to do theory. I wanted to be the composer, the star.

So what do I want to write in my life? All I want is to write a Requiem. Is that morbid thought? Of course I want to write symphonies and chamber music and perhaps an opera. But I do want to write some choral music as beautiful as those pre-Baroque. I think I can tell my desire to the professors I talk to in the music school. I will do so when I get back from my little trips.

What about Schopenhauer? I don't know. These Chinese people always read so much and make me feel ill-read (right word?). OK, I will forget about Schopenhauer. I have plenty to read and there's always music.

I know a little about Copland. I wrote a piece for my sister's wedding and after the performance, someone told me it sounded like Copland. I was surprised but I realized the use of, ouch, I can't remember them musical terms!!! perfect fifths, made whatever I wrote sound like Copland. He is very American though. My piece was intended to be Chinese..... But it was good if it was both Chinese and American, since the union was between a Chinese and an American. Aha, there's a little drama I see in that little event.

I want to listen to more Bartok. I should like to study Bach, Wagner, and Bartok. I think they consist of a nice set of of all musical languages. Now I am rather impatient to start my music training. But I shall wait.