email conversation with master:

> I found a saved chat session between you and me back in 2001. And we were talking about exactly the same things as we talked about last night (mostly about my confusion). This is very discouraging--have I not grown even a tiny little bit in the last 3 years??? Am I still the same and have not learned anything new? Actually last month when I read my diary from 14 years ago, I found the same questions I am asking now. And same questions I had since I was a teenager....

Again, I have long concluded that you need a good Master, one that provides the answers. The difference is that now maybe you are realizing that yourself. Imagine this: A world where you do all you like, focus on all you are good at and interested in, yet have no decisions to take. None whatsoever. When there is a decision needed, you just ask what it is...

> So, is there any hope for me to get out of this, ever?

Nothing is easier: Just do the right thing (the right thing for you, that is).

> Also in the old chat I read about being "generalist". Now I think that would really fun and exciting. I would love to explore that.

Very few people have the ability to do that. I believe you do. (And, again, I am the expert on the issue. :) It would indeed be a pity not to use such a rare ability, and start seeing the threads that interconnect seemingly unrelated things. It can get quite fascinating.

> And learning the philosophy things from you. (Wow, am I begging now?)

You can. That's easy. All you have to do is do it. :) One can only teach one who is willing to learn.

> If you are still interested, maybe we can talk about that some more? Maybe a good project to focus my mind on for a while. Who knows? (Or maybe you know).

Any time you want. And yes, I have always known. However, one can bring a horse to the water hole, but it's up to the horse to drink.