Apparently I am out IT. When I'm out, I think. I think whether it is important to go back IN. Paradise lost. I suppose I can use all kinds of religious terms to describe my yearning to return to Paradise, and my doubt to remain human, in love with myself, turning away from God, and suffering. I can see myself becoming a relgious fanatics, or seeking magic beans. Paradise does exist, for me. Or is it all but an illusion? Illusion or not, Paradise is Paradise. Although I take pride in being human, alone but human, I shall also take pride when I find Paradise again. Then I shall rest.

A constant struggle between me and God. The age old tale, of a constant struggle to surrender.

I takes pride to be man, because I can think. I think, therefore I am. Yet I do not

D says people do it in the 60s. I know they do it in California. Many people do it, and know the secrets. But what shall I care? My life is my own personal experience. I am the only one there is. Yet, I still need to find my own way, be myself. I am stil me. I am always me.

The only thing I have learned is, it is nice to be in Paradise.