meta-enlightenment

My mood has been swinging widely today. I am really getting better to be just myself--very emotional, low self-esteem, unfocused....

So I tried to think some more about this circular thinking business. I thought, I would have to have a meta-enlightenment to overcome all the gained insights, which is basically no insights at all. (Yeah, zen no zen, insight no insight, enlightenment no enlightenment.) And I came to this positive realization, that -

enlightenment is a way of living, not a way of thinking
so to be alive, one has to live
to live is to love
to love is to be

and here I should end the circular thinking.

From hearsay, I figured that Taoism is "a way of living", so perhaps I should study its practical theory. Buddhism and Ch'an are only good for people who want to be quiet or playful, not good for serious and passionate people like me. Perhaps Zhuang'zi is good for me, since he seems more active than Lao'zi, and into the appreciation of the nature kind of things. Of course, all my studies are just my own interpretation of their respective interpretations of the same thing. I learn from them whatever I want to learn. In the end I am still my own master.

-- email excerpt to F.