This enlightenment is really no good! The part about "chop water carry wood" is so so so so true. I can only be myself and no one else. And I can do what I do and nothing else. I am still the same! This is really sad.
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actually we are all kind of trapped. now all i think of is how to make what i learn "useful". but in the end i will learn that nothing can be of any use to me or anyone. i can only be who i am, and no one else, no matter what i do. the Way says, do the thing that interests you the most. go with the flow....... freedom of choice??? we are trapped, no matter how much we can jump out, and claim we are God. we always go back to the same place. it's a circle. nothing comes in and nothing goes out. no wonder some pessimistic enlightened monks would want to burn themselves and die.

one can only be oneself. one is doomed....

one is self, one is god, one is nor self nor god, one is nothing. in the end, there is nothing, and there is IT.

the conclusion is: if one is easily confused, one will just get even more confused. and one can still be depressed, probably even more, after enlightenment. one can never escape one's "fate". this is no good.......

jump out! jump in! jump up! jump off! or be still.... and be content.

everything is itself.
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I am still myself! When I am happy I like it and when I am unhappy I don't like it. Although I have all the answers in the world I still can be sad, if that's the way I am. I still have to find my way on my way. Nothing is changed. Nothing shall ever change! One day I will see more clearly the "freedom of choice, and the godliness of human", and I will be active. Another day I will see more clearly the "nothingness and emptiness and uselessness of everything", and I will be passive. Yet another day I will see the "inescapable fate of being human", and I will be depressed. I can still jump out of these systems, but I shall never. I will still be the only person who can decide what I want to believe, and how I want to live. I am the only person who decides when and where to end the cycle of thinking, and to choose an attitude. I still have to find a direction and a "goal". I still have to be myself.

The more I think about it, the crazier I get.... I'm too smart for my own good.