email excerpt to Jean:

Sorry that you are confused about life. May I ask how old you are? I was very very confused about life for many years when I was in graduate school, especially between the age 25 to 29. I think everyone who is serious about life will have to go through a period of confusion and pain, because it is the painful search that makes us discover ourselves and grow. Talking about having dreams, since we only live once, if we don't try to get what we want, then we will leave the world with regret. But first, we must know what we want, not what we think we should want, and not what other people or the society want us to want. Also you need to be brave, to look inside your heart and your mind, and find all the secret thoughts that you dare not think about, and face them. When you understand yourself and accept yourself, you will be much less confused.

I have a lot of things to say to people who are suffering, because I have gone through a lot of thinking. It is hard to summarize my philosophy about life. I can only share with you a little of my own experience of struggle here in this email. And I don't know what specific problem you have about life. If you want to chat with me online sometimes, I'd be glad to. Just remember, be brave.

Good luck with everything.

Read some old diary from Fresno days. Very sentimental--to realize how much I have grown, and how much I have stayed unchanged. It's almost amzing. One day I should type everything in a computer and review my growing path. It has not been easy, but very heavy and full of pain and thoughts and hopes.

So who is RH and what is he doing in my lkife? Is he just here so I will think, and inspect myself, and reach in and deep to understand? And to remind me of human suffering so I shall find a way to reconcile?

Today I thought a lot about human suffering and ignorance and how, even enlightened, one still feels pain when turning his/her eyes to humanity. I think the key is independent thinking, which eventually will lead to everyone coming to agreement so there will only be maximum (optimal) construction. Social progress needs people to think constructively and act agreeably, but only when everyone can think independently, their agreement is real. The purpose of education is not all about gaining knowledge. It is about training people to think and to enlighten and to understand. Maybe in the end, love is the answer.