Jill Bolte Taylor's stroke of insight

Right hemisphere: parallel processing - life force power of the universe, one with all it is
Left hemisphere: serial processing - single individual, separate from the flow, from you, "I am"

We have the power to choose, moment by moment, who and how we want to be in the world.

The idealist, quote from Maugham

He did not know how wide a country, arid and precipitous, must be crossed before the traveler through life comes to an acceptance of reality. It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know they are wretched, for they are full of the truthless ideals which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the real they are bruised and wounded. It looks as if they were victims of a conspiracy; for the books they read, ideal by the necessity of selection, and the conversation of their elders, who look back upon the past through a rosy haze of forgetfulness, prepare them for an unreal life. They must discover fro themselves that all they have read and all they have been told are lies, lies, lies; and each discovery is another nail driven into the body on the cross of life. The strange thing is that each one who has gone through that bitter disillusionment adds to it in his turn, unconsciously, by the power within him which is stronger than himself.

The companionship of Hayward was the worst possible thing for Philip. he was a man who saw nothing for himself, but only through a literary atmosphere, and he was dangerous because he had deceived himself into sincerity. He honestly mistook his sensuality for romantic emotion, his vacillation for the artistic temperament, and his idleness for philosophic calm. His mind, vulgar in its effort at refinement, saw everything a little larger than life size, with the outlines blurred, in a golden mist of sentimentality. He lied and never knew he lied, and when it was pointed out to him said that lies were beautiful. He was an idealist.

-- Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham

The above passage is about the idealist.

Odyssey of Enlightenment by Thompson

I finished Berthold Madhukar Thompson's book The Odyssey of Enlightenment. It is a fascinating read. At first I thought the book was too full of new age stuff. I did not believe the first two gurus (Osho and Papaji) were truly enlightened. Rather, I felt that these two that Madhu had spent the most time with were more like cult leaders. They wanted devoted followers and their money. Although they did speak of some well-known wisdom, they were very ignorant and unresponsive of Madhu's burning questions. I became worried for Madhu in his search, even though he felt he had benefited from these two teachers. He was in a deep trap, a trap in the desire for enlightenment--something he only had heard of. He wanted permanent happiness and bliss because he could not face the negative emotions in his daily life, and he wanted escape. He did not have a conscious knowledge or an intuitive knowledge of what enlightenment was. However, his sincerely and honesty saved him. He never gave in to half truth. When he left Papaji and started on his journey looking for other teachers, I too enjoyed meeting the teachers along his way. Many of the teachers had insightful wisdom to share with him. However, Madhu was not ready to receive some of the teachings, and the teachers were again ignorant of the ineffectiveness of their words. I could feel Madhu's frustration when the teachers seemed to go around and around the questions and never gave a straight answer. Either these teachers were very inflexible in their teaching, or they had limited understanding of Reality, or maybe they and Madhu were not good match. Sometimes I felt the guru would say things just to show how special and advanced they were on the path of enlightenment. Sometimes when they tried to point out the opposite, they appeared like Zen masters, but was Madhu ready for such teachings? I thought not. When we met UG Krishnamurti the anti-guru, I felt he was arrogant and unkind toward Madhu. I don't know why he would do this. His book on the Myth of Enlightenment has been on my wish list for a while and clearly he has important insights into spirituality. I might read his book and see for myself. Toward the end, I like Andrew Cohen for his responsiveness and coherence (moral integrity, clarity of intention, and open-hearted humility). In the end Madhu met D.B. Ganolli and found his peace in the teaching of Advaita Vedanta, the spiritual scripture. It seems that Madhu had found his own path, his own way of spiritual search. When he was ready, his new guru appeared. From Madhu's journey, I believe more firmly that there are infinite ways to reach one's destiny in life, and each person has to find his own way.

This book gives me a new urge to write my own story. At times I feel I want to write because I want to show off, because of the ego in myself that wants to tell everyone of my accomplishment. I would like to contact Madhu and see if he could help me with it.

From Gagolli:

A refined, discriminative, purified mind is strong and steadfast.

The absolute reality of our innate, innermost Self is to be of the very essence of pure essence of being (sat), pure consciousness of knowledge (chit), and pure bliss or happiness (ananda).

Cultivate introvertedness, forbearance, a steadfast dedication to spiritual pursuits, and mental quietude.

The main aim of life is to experience the nondual transcendental reality of one's true essential nature.

The expression 'balanced life' in vedanta signifies a way of living not given to excessive or extreme indulgences either at the sensual level or the mental level.

Vedanta is based on three fundamental ancient texts: the Brahma Sutras, the Bhagavad Gita, and the Upanishads. The Gita Bhashya is a commentary on the Bhagavad Gita written circa 800 AD by Sri Adi Shankara, the founder of Advaita Vedanta.

spiritual psychology and odyssey of enlightenment

I was having lunch in Santa Monica earlier this week and was right next to University of Santa Monica. They were advertising for graduate program in spiritual psychology. I decided to check it out. I got some brochures, then went to the reception desk and talked to a woman. Later another administrator came out to talk to me. I asked them several questions, and found out more about the school and the program.

It is a real university, not one of those enrichment programs for continuing education. They offer only graduate degrees in the area of spiritual psychology. They don't know of any other schools that offer similar program. The school admits about 240 students each year. After graduation, some students become certified counselors, some become public speakers, while most continue to do whatever they were doing before, and use the knowledge in their personal life and their work. The faculty are part time faculty from other schools. I could not find from them a list of the faculty members and their qualifications. They gave me a package of information including a CD and DVD, and encouraged me to listen to what the graduates have to say about their experience. I told them I would like to become a guru and wondered if the program could help me. "Wow, that is an interesting idea. Nobody have said that before," they were surprised. But I was even more surprised.

I thought maybe they would be interested in asking me questions and make me a subject of their study. Or maybe they could teach me vocabulary to be a guru, or a spiritual teacher. Or maybe I could meet some fellow seekers and awakened ones to share my experience. Apparently I was wrong.

I am having a strong deja vu feeling suddenly. Right now. I feel I have written exactly the same topic before on this blog.

My recent interest in the spiritual exploration again is prompt by my current reading of "The Odyssey of Enlightenment: Rare Interviews with Enlightened Teachers of our Time" by Berthold Madhukar Thompson. As I continue to follow Madhu's odyssey, I am becoming more and more intrigued by the interviews. The most valuable thing of this book is the author's complete sincerity and truthfulness, as well as his generous heart. Only a record of his actual path could lead to revelations and discoveries. Now I am at the chapter of the "anti-guru". I am yet to decide if this bitter anti-guru is disillusioned or really has something to offer.

random thoughts shared with friends at mayacafe:

只有坚强的人才能真正去爱。或说，人只有在坚强的时刻才能够真爱。求爱的人是强者；避而不爱的人是弱者。爱是需要勇气和力量的。爱人爱物爱世界，都是一样的。 4.26.06

我以前也从来没有家的感觉。自小就搬来搬去，朋友换来换去，连专业也改来该去的。直到前两年有一天发现，家不是身外的。找到了自己的心，心定 了，家就到了。再放眼望去，大千世界都是我家，古今中外的人都是我的朋友，每天在“家”和“朋友”谈天说地，好不开心！我算是幸运的。

玛和方都是心不定的，所以要到处流浪，以漂泊的浪漫抵御内心的孤独。想找到家，先找到自己的心。心生长在家的土壤里，就能根深叶茂，开花结果，回报家的养育情。心要定，心要大。

补充，如果不是我找到了心中的家，是不会决定成家的，因为心不定，对情人朋友也总是有“一种又爱又恨的感情；爱的 是（他）们让我能过日子，能做日常杂事，使我的生活不至于就是整天跟书本打交道；恨的是（他）们给我以累赘感，给我以一种无可耐何的感觉，因为看着（他） 们，我想到的总是一个走字。” 4.24.06

Graham Greene 在 End of Affair 的电影里借用作家 Maurice Bendrix 说，"Pain is easy to write, but what can one write about happiness?" 我立刻把书买来，从头看到尾，却没找到这句话。可是从此就爱上 Greene 的小说了，一本接一本看了好多。他才是最 unhappy 的人呢。

那些年我也认为，只有在痛苦中才能写作，写作才能深刻，所以我对痛苦的生活上了瘾，害怕幸福，觉得幸福是一种肤浅的慢性自杀。

后来才明白，幸福是一种积极的选择(active choice)。你可以选择幸福，也可以选择写作，也可以选择上网，也可以选择单身。如果自己跟自己说，“我是个不幸福的单身网上作家”，那么你就会按照自己给自己指定的角色来生活，成为一个不幸福的单身网上作家。

我想，贝多芬的《欢乐颂》就是一首 "How happy I am" 的歌。这星期我们上课时分析了欢乐颂。贝多芬从那么不幸福的生活中，写出这样的极乐作品，真是强人，是我学习的榜样。4.6.06

Starting music school this week. I have already a homework assignment to analyze Beethoven's Symphony No.3. I also need to play for a piano instructor on Monday. I feel I am so behind and need to catch up. I so want to prove that I am a musician. Then I realize the anxiety is not right.

I should learn from Yoga that everything in life is like a breathing process. When I study music, music becomes the air, and I only need to take deep breath, let music air fill up my lung. When I breath out, it is the creative energy going through me and back into the world. There should be no other purpose than simply breathing in and out. Forget the self, the grade, the approval from expert... Listen not to self evaluation. There will be time for all of those. When learn music, breath in and out, and enjoy this gift from life.

Life is also like breathing. There is no goal, but only the process. Enjoy deeply while we can.

Eclipse and World Peace

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I am always moved when I see photos of people watching eclipse. When people from different backgrounds or cultures or colors in different corners of the world at the same time gaze toward the sky, there is no more fear, no more hatred, no more confusion. People become equal, and the world is at peace. This is a state when everyone forgets himself, and all is in one of amazement and joy. Perhapse we can use moments like this for a glimpse of world peace.

每次日蚀，这样一组照片总是令我感动。当不同背景不同文化不同肤色的人，在不同的角落，同时引目向上的时候，没有任何恐惧，没有任何仇恨，人心忽然变得高尚起来，人人平等，世界和平。这是“大忘我”的境界吧。也许我们可以用这种时刻，来品尝理想中的太平世界的味道。