As to my wanting admirers, I think it's just a harmless personal trait in me. Getting positive feedback is one part of my "work" effort to connect with people. When people connect with me, they tell me so in letters, and I feel my work is not wasted. It's different from "working" for the purpose of praises. I think there are two different levels of wanting attention or recognition here. One level is to want people to pay attention to Ah-San the person who writes, and another level is to want people to pay attention to me (Ah-San) who is behind and inside of Ah-San the writer. The one inside is the one who walks on the earth to leave marks for others, and the one outside is the one who writes and interacts with others and reacts to feedbacks. When the outside Ah-San accomplishes and is happy, the inside Ah-San smiles. The problem is, most of the time the outside Ah-San is too noisy and the voice of the inside Ah-San cannot be heard. The good wise words I write/say are from the inside Ah-San who takes the wisdom from that ocean of Truth. Only when the outside Ah-San also listens, can the whole Ah-San be in the state of harmony. Anyway, I think it's not true that I depend my happiness or contentment on the outside world. It's the outside Ah-San that are easily affected, but the inside one understands and knows how to hold still.

Feels so good to hear my inner voice again... Must learn to listen to ourselves. The Self knows all and can always guide us back to the spiritual level of existence.
Happy to share...

-- email excerpt to m