J: i am reading another book by Dalai Lama....
ah-san: wow.. .you will become buddhism in no time
J: dunno.
J: but probably very soon.
ah-san: i can be one, but i just don't know all the terms
ah-san: so many words that i have to learn. but i know all the meanings
ah-san: it's like using a different way to illustrate the same truth
J: I just never read those books before, so they open some curtains...
J: i read bible before...
J: about 10 years ago.
ah-san: bible is more difficult to read
ah-san: it's very misleading if one is not careful
ah-san: i mean, the difficulties comes from misreading
ah-san: i think the bible makes it too simple for common people, and then they don't realize the metaphors
J: Even you know all the metaphors, it still take time to really understand them.
ah-san: i think the bible's metaphors are kind of shallow
ah-san: so people always think there's a god/guy
J: and I am reading the translation of Chuangtze by Li YuTang.
J: It is interesting, cos I never read the english version before.
J: It is amazing to see that Chuangzi knows so much...
J: from life to death, from love to common life...
ah-san: he had great inspiration, and he had great talents
J: mmm, I got a lot of inspirations from reading those books.
J: I have read Chuangzhi 10 years ago.
J: And I found my own progresses when I read those books.
J: yeah. those are my roots.
ah-san: you are a natural taoist too.
ah-san: me too
ah-san: but i think the ultimate is in buddhism
ah-san: being a taoist is very easy for you and me
J: I don't know much about buddhism.. But I will learn more.
J: So far, I like all I have read about buddhism.
ah-san: i think (and i feel) buddhism has everything
ah-san: taoist is more like for smart people
ah-san: buddhism is more for good people. (i think)
ah-san: taoism makes me feel excited and also peaceful.
ah-san: buddhism touches the heart
ah-san: compassion and love and forgiveness
J: I like taoism, but I also feel the need to do something for the society.
J: For me, the contribution for the society is very important.
J: I want to help other people...
ah-san: these are not the essence of taoism. taoism is about balance and harmony and ...
ah-san: also i think buddhism has some very beautiful ideas...
ah-san: i think i am natural taoist, but i should try harder in this life
J: so, i said i like taoism, but can not be a taoist all the time.
J: buddhism emphasize the serve, the endurance, the discipline, the higher and deeper existence.
ah-san: hmm... sounds like it provides more fulfillment for you and me
J: in my understanding, i think good suffering for a higher purposes can provide long lasting happiness.
ah-san: that's one reason i am attracted to catholics
ah-san: but catholics in general is not very deep
J: i still feel very alien about catholics...
ah-san: there's a book "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl, very famous. his answer is also related to suffering
ah-san: he was a jew in Nazi concentration camp
ah-san: it would be interesting that he comes to the similar conclusion about suffering and meaning of life and happiness
ah-san: interesting to see how this man who had to suffer so much came to the answer
J: so, i read some books about zen, buddhism, ....
J: i watched the movie, the last samurai
J: so, it also emphasize something about the war and peace...
J: I feel myself is very near the eastern philosophy though.
ah-san: i am too. i am just very curious about catholics
ah-san: i think it is good for me, all the disciplines
J: i am very curious about buddhism, zen...
J: the masters in Zen always convince people by giving examples...
ah-san: i think zen is more like taoism
ah-san: it's more about inner peace..
ah-san: it's for the mind
ah-san: zen, taoism... are more for the mind than for the heart
J: but i like the way they talk...
ah-san: when you say you like the way they talk, you are already attracted to it mentally
J: yeah, maybe, for a short time.
J: and i think without disciplines, we can not accomplish anything great in our lives.
ah-san: and i am always too "smart" and let myself get away with things too easily
J: so, i will begin to build some disciplines.
J: and practise them.
ah-san: it's so easy to just talk but so hard to develop discipline
J: what is a difference between a great man and an ordinary person?
J: mmm... i think a great man is a person fully developed, conquered some difficulties...
J: i just feel that I am trapped in something...
J: because, i feel that i am lack of disciplines...
J: so, I have weaker and weaker will-powers..
J: i really need to have disciplines in my life.
ah-san: well, the first step is to recognize it. so now you know and i know, then we can start working on it
J: yeah, but i always feel that you are not the person to discuss disciplines...
ah-san: i am not... but i understand
ah-san: we can both learn to have discipline
ah-san: it can be very rewarding
J: but how?
J: i think the first step to disciplines is the sacrifice.
J: see, if i want to get up earlier, I have to sleep earlier, then sacrifice talking here...
J: and i think that the reason that we do not have disciplines is that we do not care!
ah-san: mike says, he just imagine the pain of the bad consequence
ah-san: then he will do the right thing
ah-san: you are right about that we don't care that much
ah-san: there are things we are more disciplined about because we care
ah-san: so we have to ask ourselves, why don't we care about certain things?
ah-san: like, i care about the canoe trip, so i read books and make plans
J: i care my family, so i phone them almost everyday.
ah-san: mike cares about volleyball so he goes to gym all the time.
J: L care about me, so he quit the computer games.
ah-san: so, why do i not do my writing often?
J: so, why i stop writing my papers?
ah-san: i don't care about wasting my life, i guess
ah-san: so that's very very very bad
J: it seems that i care about wasting my life, but in fact, i don't care.
J: it seems that i think i can live 1000 years.
ah-san: hmmm... see, that's the bad side effect of taoism
ah-san: it teaches one not to care so much
ah-san: but it is not active
J: when i say that i don't care about wasting my time,
J: i don't really take good care of myself.
ah-san: yeah.. should realize that life is very precious
J: life is such a wonderful thing.
ah-san: need to treat this chance with care
ah-san: maybe you can think that your life is like a baby's life
ah-san: you will be very caring for your baby, because it's like a gift
ah-san: but your own life is also a gift
ah-san: but somehow we don't see that way most of the time
ah-san: i know i really don't care about wasting my life....
ah-san: it's probably because when i was younger, i worried too much, and now i want to not worry. but i must have over-done it
J: for example, if you would like to have a short trip, you do not need to plan and you will finish it anyway.
J: but if you want to have a long trip, you need a plan, and follow the plan.
J: otherwise, you will never reach the place you want to go.
J: life is the same.
J: if you want to write good stuff for example, you will have to do the same kind of planning.

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ah-san: don't like L worry too much
ah-san: he has a lot of responsibilities himself
ah-san: you can pretend to be more "mature'
J: i am pretending.
ah-san: i don't think people really become mature.
ah-san: the mature people are those who know how to pretend
ah-san: the immature people are those who don't care.
J: good point.