I hope it is OK for me to still be vain, and want to be admired! Of course I know it is OK, because it is me, and there's only me, and I can only be whomever I want to be and I can only be me, and I am actually nobody anyway. And whatever!

Interesting to see that today everything becomes Zen- or Buddhism- like in me. It is so true that Being takes many forms (how else!), so today IT is Zen-Buddhism or whatever IT looks like. I want to follow the progression and see how every day I assimilate more things into Being.

Back to the topic of being vain--you have to tell me that I am the only girl you know who get IT. Or you can tell me you know a bunch of them. Either way, but the truth is better, since it is no importance and I don't get jealous anymore (because there's only me and not me anyway). But still, since I am still me and I am vain, it pleases me to feel "special", as "special" as myself. Haha! What contradiction! Actually I am curious to know how easy it is for anyone to get IT (what percentage of people, what types of people more likely, what age, etc.), since it seems rather difficult for me, through a long, painful, blind process, in real human life anyway.

-- email to F.