Hmm, it is nice to be praised as a goddess, and be loved. I have always known I love to be admired and loved, and now I actually enjoy it much more. Haha! So great to be just myself and enjoy to be myself.

Yeah, I had always wanted to "fall", especially in the context of "falling in love". But now I know there's a better state than "falling in love". It is "to be in love", or "to be love", or "to be". Now I wonder if I will ever get bored with all these. I tend to get bored with anything fast, usually within 3 weeks. Hmmm, only 5 days so far and I have to wait and see. (Yeah, a bit tiring with the endless discoveries and realizations and wonders. Need more sleep.)

I have always knew I wanted "calm and burning" like the universe, but I said it merely to be poetic and didn't realize that these qualities are actually within myself. These days I am so full of myself, and I know I will soon become annoying. I will stop, and be normal and kind.

I feel (at least now) I am god and I am human and there is no importance whether I fall or not because I am still myself. I used to want to be sad, because I thought when I was sad, I could be closest to myself, and I could feel more deeply, and I could be more human. But now I think it doesn't matter if I am sad or not; everything is an illusion, and even emotions; if I want to be human (and that I do), I will just be sad when I want to and be happy when I want to, and I will let my emotions take over me when I want to... There's no other way to be.

Writing now becomes easier in the way that I am no longer afraid of anything, and I can just simply write what I want to write, and believe that everything that comes naturally comes from the "soul of the universe", and can only be good.

hmm, i am not sure about this now, because what i am saying here is that each of all human beings are good as long as he is being himself. is this true? are "evil" people not themselves? actually the other day i consulted Gibran about good&evil, and found this:

Of the good in you I can speak, but not of the evil.
For what is evil but good tortured by its own hunger and thirst?
Verily when good is hungry it seeks food even in dark caves, and when it thirsts, it drinks even of dead waters.
You are good when you are one with yourself.
Yet when you are not one with yourself you are not evil.
For a divided house is not a den of thieves; it is only a divided house.
And a ship without rudder may wander aimlessly among perilous isles yet sink not to the bottom.

see, he said "you are good when you are one with yourself", almost exactly as i just said (and further proves that everything is already out there and all we need to do is to "realize" them). so, ok, everyone/everything is good when in harmony (hey, i haven't used this word for a while).

-- email excerpt to JA