I think/feel/know that I am getting a little wiser now, after this trip to Paradise. Illusion or not, Paradise is nice, and I can add it to my list of places I've been to.

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ST's comment was, "this is all extremely boring". It was a blow. G said to me last week that he found the New Age people seeking enlightenment "very boring" and "dead". I would not want to be boring and dead. Although I know it is all what I feel that counts, but I care deeply the opinions of the people I care about too. And I want to be interesting and lively to my friends.

So, I will put a stop for this enlightenment subject, at least for now. It seems like there are only two sides, or two actions--either you on this side or do this, or you are on that side and do that. When you are God, you know man is an illusion. When you are a man, you think God is an illusion. Enlightenment is also a personal choice, an experience one choose to go through. Right now I am on the side of man, and I am lucid with all human confusions. When I was God I was lucid with all God's wisdom.

I'm back to where I started, with new insights to spiritual things. I can probably use the enlightened state as a tool when I want to feel exalted in order to create.

Strangely enough, all your advices are still good for all practical purposes. I have downloaded the eBook software. It is still good to write a book, because the journey is not over, no matter where I want to go. I thought the title "the difficulties of being ah-san wong" was pretty good--it is full of struggles and human follies, and since I am not even me, not asw, so it adds additional difficulty to be me, or to be anyone, or simply to be. So asw or mu-lan or anything else, it is no importance. But this we can talk about later.

I'm going to find something enjoyable to do now--Books, writing, music.

p.s. this seems to remain true: mind is man's greatest pride, and also man's most deadly enemy.