I think the book title should be: "From Beijing to Being", or "From Beijing to Becoming".

I am putting some old diary into e-book and found quite good passage about my struggle to "compromise" the world. Even just four years ago I wrote: " Is there nothing eternal, nothing perfect, nothing ideal? I am the most contradictory person. On one hand I am pure and idealistic, and on the other hand I'm mature and wise. From this ugly, dirty, confusing world, I want to find something beautiful, pure, and orderly. Maybe myself is a mistake. But I do not want to change. I'd rather want to be a fool. I believe the existence of perfection."

Thank you for many answers about the drug-induced altered state. I trust your judgment. I think perhaps because you and I are both serious about the pursuit of knowledge, and you are so much wiser than me, I feel safe just to be a dwarf standing on your shoulder.

I like the way you describe the path of the wise men and women of old. It is so true that I "manifested a master" when I need one badly. It just occurred to me that both my "enlightenment" experiences happened when I was dating some arrogant, smart philosopher Ph.D.'s and I wanted more answers than they could provide, so I found *you*, and bingo, an enlightenment! So now I know what I shall do for the next time. :) j/k of course. But I am so glad you are there and you are willing to point me in a direction.

And it is such a comfort to know that there are many people who had gone before me. It must be a comfort to those before me that I am willing to follow their path. And I hope I will find my way, and be a comfort to those who will come after me.

Right now I am relatively calm and have less questions. I still have questions, but not urgent. I feel I am a goddess these days. I enjoy learning about myself, and I enjoy being a goddess and being worshipped as one (yes). So my question is, is it normal for me to cruise for a while and enjoy my new being? And when do I start my search again? And what will that be? Will I ever outgrow you? When? Where did/do you find your masters? You probably sought/seek those more scholarly masters?

(Yes, I understand and I know that we are all one--me, you, them, Buddha, the pope, even bush. And I feel perfectly find that we are all part of my universe. And I am no different from a computer, a rock, a star. I know it when I was THERE, and now I just remember it.)

It's nice of you to say that I might be smarter than you because I went through a lot of things in my recent experience. Or perhaps because I am Chinese and I live in the West, so I know a little something about various of things, although not much. Or perhaps because you have been a good "master" for me and pointed me a more general way of Being.

-- email excerpt to F.