enlightenment, conversations, random thoughts

The idealist, quote from Maugham

2007-04-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

He did not know how wide a country, arid and precipitous, must be crossed before the traveler through life comes to an acceptance of reality. It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know they are wretched, for they are full of the truthless ideals which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the real they are

Odyssey of Enlightenment by Thompson

2006-08-25T15:42:00.000-07:00

I finished Berthold Madhukar Thompson's book The Odyssey of Enlightenment. It is a fascinating read. At first I thought the book was too full of new age stuff. I did not believe the first two gurus (Osho and Papaji) were truly enlightened. Rather, I felt that these two that Madhu had spent the most time with were more like cult leaders. They wanted devoted followers and their money. Although they

spiritual psychology and odyssey of enlightenment

2006-08-24T11:58:00.000-07:00

I was having lunch in Santa Monica earlier this week and was right next to University of Santa Monica. They were advertising for graduate program in spiritual psychology. I decided to check it out. I got some brochures, then went to the reception desk and talked to a woman. Later another administrator came out to talk to me. I asked them several questions, and found out more about the school and

2006-04-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

random thoughts shared with friends at mayacafe:只有坚强的人才能真正去爱。或说，人只有在坚强的时刻才能够真爱。求爱的人是强者；避而不爱的人是弱者。爱是需要勇气和力量的。爱人爱物爱世界，都是一样的。 4.26.06我以前也从来没有家的感觉。自小就搬来搬去，朋友换来换去，连专业也改来该去的。直到前两年有一天发现，家不是身外的。找到了自己的心，心定了，家就到了。再放眼望去，大千世界都是我家，古今中外的人都是我的朋友，每天在“家”和“朋友”谈天说地，好不开心！我算是幸运的。玛和方都是心不定的，所以要到处流浪，以漂泊的浪漫抵御内心的孤独。想找到家，先找到自己的心。心生长在家的土壤里，就能根深叶茂，开花结果，回报家的养育情。心要定，心要大。补充，如果不是我找到了心中的家，是不会决定成家的，因为心不定，对情人朋友也总是有“一种又爱又恨的感情；爱的是（

2006-03-30T11:50:00.000-08:00

Starting music school this week. I have already a homework assignment to analyze Beethoven's Symphony No.3. I also need to play for a piano instructor on Monday. I feel I am so behind and need to catch up. I so want to prove that I am a musician. Then I realize the anxiety is not right.I should learn from Yoga that everything in life is like a breathing process. When I study music, music becomes

Eclipse and World Peace

2006-03-30T01:51:00.000-08:00

View AlbumGet your ownI am always moved when I see photos of people watching eclipse. When people from different backgrounds or cultures or colors in different corners of the world at the same time gaze toward the sky, there is no more fear, no more hatred, no more confusion. People become equal, and the world is at peace. This is a state when everyone forgets himself, and all is in one of

2006-02-06T14:13:00.000-08:00

In truth, it is not for the love of a husband that a husband is dear; but for the love of the Soul in the husband that a husband is dear.It is not for the love of a wife that a wife is dear; but for the love of the Soul in the wife that a wife is dear.It is not for the love of children that children are dear; but for the love of the Soul in children that children are dear.It is not for the love

2006-01-19T01:21:00.000-08:00

"As when rivers flowing towards the ocean find there final peace, their name and form disappear, and people speak only of the ocean, even so the sixteen forms of the seer of all flow towards the Spirit and find there final peace, their name and form disappear and people speak only of Spirit. There is a verse that says: 'These forms in him find rest like spokes in the centre of a wheel. Know ye

2006-01-17T14:44:00.000-08:00

Very agitated. Wish I knew how to calm down and be productive again. Last night I picked up the Upanishads again. Books like this are like religious texts that religious people read to get in touch with their gods. I suppose if I am calm enough, Bible or Koran would help, although today when I was listening to Shalom Goldman's lecture on Ancient Near Eastern Mythology, the romantic Songs of

2005-11-28T18:37:00.000-08:00

Found a little book Blossoming Lotus, Sacred Centers in Ann Arbor, in the Ann Arbor Library the other day. It lists information of 12 spiritual organizations and their interviews. I find some interview answers inspiring. A little summary here (red indicates the answers I especially like):What drew you to spirituality? What was the turning point?Reading Buddhist writings, and the movie "

2005-11-21T00:44:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I got two emails from old friends from my LA era. JF who does not believe in the marraige institution decides to get married. MJ informs his friends and family of the tragedy--he met Susan two years ago; their baby was born last Saturday morning; by the evening Susan had lost all consciousness and passed away within two days. (She suffered HELLP.) I was so struck by the news all day

2005-11-03T15:53:00.000-08:00

I begin to read The Upanishads. I have spent three days reading the Introduction, and am tempted to copy down every single sentence. It is a timely remainder for me to see where I am now in my search for happiness, for the ultimate union with Eternity. The Introduction, written by Juan Mascaro in Summer 1964, is calm and inspiring. The joy to be closer to the One is much greater than the joy in

2005-11-03T03:53:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it seems I don’t want to understand another person. It is not because I am unable to. I believe every normal person is capable of understanding another human being. When I don’t actively seek to understand another, to forgive and to love, it’s because I feel I need to be understood too, and I am afraid that if I open up my mind and heart to show understanding to another, the other

2005-11-02T19:12:00.000-08:00

Richard 问了很多很好的问题。很多很好的问题是不能用语言来回答的（道可道，非常道。名可名，非常名）。正如你所说，问题问来问去总是这些。寻找答案的时候，不要完全依靠头脑。要用心（故常无，欲以观其妙；常有，欲以观其徼）。>相较于2000年前，我们是否还是走在我们自己的小径上而不是宇宙的灵魂里面？>为何人们创造了神，而且人们想要知道上帝的精神？>为何我们不愿挑战自己的存在，为何我们自认为是关于我们自身的一切？>为何改变是如此的困难？（历史将是一个很好的例子）这里你所说的“我们”和“人们”，其实是你自己。我相信世界上、历史上，已有不少人能够说自己是走在宇宙的灵魂里面的，只是不在灵魂中的人不肯相信而已。创造神的人是不需要知道上帝的精神，因为他们已经知道了（人神合一，爱为真义）。那些离开宇宙之心的人，才会不明白，才会提问。"It is not thought which we should

2005-11-02T00:16:00.000-08:00

Talking to Mike about the book Zen and Art of Motorcycle... I often get confused with these two words--deductive and inductive. I know which one is which if I think through it. Deductive thinking is to define some knowns and rules at the beginning, and from them deduce everything else. Inductive learning is to learn by example. We want to come to our own "definition" of quality. Mike says

2005-11-01T22:41:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to write something about creation and creationism. In my random studies over the last year and half, I have come across a few creation myths (e.g. Hindu, Maya, Egyptian). Because of my own experience, I feel a warm affinity toward them. People always amaze to find the parallels in these stories; I think it's only natural. These are only different metaphors of the same "event"

2005-10-29T22:34:00.000-07:00

Re-organized some new and old blogs into excursions of the mind on books, history, movies, music, science...

2005-10-18T15:51:00.000-07:00

On subjects related to love, marriage, self discovery, understanding, summarized from chat with JM.One person is always going to love the other more. You have to decide which one you want to be. The person who loves more wants to be loved more; the person who loves less wants to find someone else to love. But marriage is composed of many things that are not related to love. I had always wanted to

2005-10-11T22:55:00.000-07:00

讥讽还是同情：谈谈莫泊桑的《项链》小时候我看这个故事，就想是命运捉弄人。近来也在想命运捉弄人的事。其实命运没事找事，干吗要去捉弄人。相反，生活给予每个人很多机会。如果自己没有准备好，就会错过机会；如果太刻意去追求己不所能，反而会产生对命运的误解。所以一切还都是要靠个人的修炼。

2005-10-09T23:00:00.000-07:00

I have enjoyed many learnings and learned many enjoyments. The best time of my life is yet to come.

2005-09-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

Today I thought more about Susan's words, "Be strong yet sensitive when you make your decisions...but above all, you must follow your heart....because living a life with a broken heart is no life to live". I find it very soothing. Why is it always so difficult for me to make decisions? Lu says to me, "Before you make the decision, think it through; what are the options, and choose the best option

2005-08-31T12:47:00.000-07:00

As to my wanting admirers, I think it's just a harmless personal trait in me. Getting positive feedback is one part of my "work" effort to connect with people. When people connect with me, they tell me so in letters, and I feel my work is not wasted. It's different from "working" for the purpose of praises. I think there are two different levels of wanting attention or recognition here. One level

2005-08-26T22:34:00.000-07:00

When I say you are weak, you take it as a great insult. It should not be. One of your problems is that you take the meanings of words from the society's common standard as your own. When I say "weak", it has a much deeper meaning than its common sense meaning. (I just checked the dictionary. The meaning that's closet to what I mean is, "not able to resist external force or withstand attack",

2005-08-16T16:12:00.000-07:00

Everything I say (or anyone says) is only an interpretation, and we all try our best to pass along some messages we receive.... The next step after receiving messages is to learn to pass them on as accurately and effectively as we can. When some serious religious people (like St. Francis of Assisi) say that they are "instrument" of god's love, perhaps they mean similar things. To be a good

2005-08-16T13:57:00.000-07:00

I found corresponding with F- stimulating--he seemed to have a lot of well-thought wisdom, and then he put it in such funny ways. I don't know how to quote anything he wrote to me, because I don't know which are original and which are paraphrasing and which are just plain plagiarizing. I just say that I once heard someone saying such and such....I will have lots to say about that 6 human natures

2005-08-15T18:10:00.000-07:00

edited e-mail excerpts:It's true that my passion lies entirely in music, literature, metaphysics and such, and while I have strong analytical skills, I don't care much for that. If I get to discuss about math and science and technologies and anything that can be right or wrong, I have little patience and interest.I hope one day soon we all know our true self and be content with our talents and

2005-07-10T15:32:00.000-07:00

The Four AgreementsBe impeccable with your wordSpeak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.Don't take anything personallyNothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to

2005-07-07T00:42:00.000-07:00

J: i am reading another book by Dalai Lama....ah-san: wow.. .you will become buddhism in no timeJ: dunno.J: but probably very soon.ah-san: i can be one, but i just don't know all the termsah-san: so many words that i have to learn. but i know all the meaningsah-san: it's like using a different way to illustrate the same truthJ: I just never read those books before, so they open some curtains...J:

2005-07-04T11:08:00.000-07:00

Mike just asked me if there are different kinds of addictions and are there good addictions and bad addictions. He is talking about cocaine and volleyball or travel. I tell him, in this case, the cocaine addiction is of the body, and the addiction to travel is of the mind. Perhaps it is easier to control and right an addiction of the mind? I also tell him that all addictions are bad, because

2005-07-03T14:29:00.000-07:00

George wants to read stories. He wants to read stories written by me. He gets so angry with me for playing too much beach volleyball and not writing, not becoming this great writer, or great musician, or great scientist, that my talents promise me to be. He uses more and more profanity toward me over the years, hoping to scare the stories out of me. Little does he know that the profanity, the

2005-06-17T13:38:00.000-07:00

Mad mad mad! Death death death!What is this world that I am living in?I stayed up late watching Bernstein’s six lectures at Harvard, titled “The Unanswered Question”. I read along with him. I read the scores while he demonstrated on the piano. The lectures were from 1976, three quarters into the 20th century.What is the unanswered question? That is a piece written by Charles Ives in 1908. The

2005-06-16T18:59:00.000-07:00

Now I feel like writing. I feel I have a lot of words to say. I want to write them down. I want to write about the flower pots with the milk and the egg shells. I want to write about the dark corridor. I want to write about the power outage. I want to write about the past and the future. I want to write about all those people and all those things and all those thoughts....I was in a mode

2005-06-15T15:03:00.000-07:00

music reflects how we thinkit is a metaphor of our mindalso intrinsic metaphoralso external metaphoralso analogical metaphortransformation <-> life"notes" after watching Bernstein's "Unanswered Questions" lecture 2 at Havard (1976).

2005-06-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

I am feeling stalled. Trapped. Low energy. Like under a soft drug.I long to get away. I want a break in life. I want the wind or the eagle pick me up, fly me high and high and above the clouds, and then drop me, let me fly and fall in air, fall hard and crash me. I want to feel dizzy. I want to be confused. I want to be tortured by love, by desperation, by hopelessness, by pain, by

2005-05-30T18:30:00.000-07:00

Downfall. Der Untergang. Nominated for Oscar best foreign language film last year. Mike first told me about this film saying it's on his all time top 2 list. It was so good that it made him have sympathy for Hilter. I was scared of hearing him talking about sympathy for Hilter and going down that path, so I did not encourage our discussion until I could see the film myself. It is a very well made

2005-05-29T16:48:00.000-07:00

I started to write this a week ago.... Some random thoughts again...Why do we do things that don't make us happy? Why do I do things that don't make me happy? Why do I stay up all night downloading movies from the internet and then watch them? These are not even all good movies. Last year I lived productively and happily the whole year without seeing a single movie in any form. Yet this last

2005-05-26T10:11:00.000-07:00

I am watching Star Wars (all 6) and for the first time have a slight idea of who all those creatures are in the movies. In Episode III, Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark side and beame a Dark Lord of the Sith in the hope of saving his love from death, of becoming the most powerful, of becoming the master of the universe. Well, a Sith might be powerful but with the dark side, he is afraid of

2005-05-24T16:10:00.000-07:00

I was looking at a photo in Physics Today of a "Dance for Physics". The first sentence reads "'All dance is about time, space and light,' says Mark Baldwin..." At this, I thought I might not appreciate how this choreographer illustrates his vision of time, space and light unless he explains it to me first. Then his art will fail to connect with me. Then I had a small realization in the spirit

2005-05-10T23:47:00.000-07:00

不要抱太大希望于高人出山。真正的高人也不可能一两句话摆平让大家都明白。这世界上是一个人一个方子，一个人一个时机。有人要靠指点，有人要靠修炼，有人要靠求索，有人要靠运气。你的时机到了，灵光自然就罩住你了。学术讨论就不同了。大家都可以来讲，反而越深层的越高级的事情越好象讲不到一起（鸡同鸭讲，同义反复），意思恐怕都是早已互相明白的。所以讨论是不大可能有个人突破的。我的道路是这样的。原先是什么都要反对，什么高人都要怀疑，什么逻辑道理都不信的。灵光过后，我什么都信了。信了之后，能更清晰地辨别是非。当然具体技术上的问题还需要学习和运用。我相信别人的道路是不同的。只想走过了，能在路上留个记号，给后来走到我这边来的人作个伴。－－于玛雅咖啡 mayacafe

2005-05-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

When someone is fair, we have respect for him. Being fair often shows the ability to treat others as equals. But fairness can also be a sign of arrogance, the arrogance in one's ability to judge and to evaluate situations in order to come out with a fair solution. However, in the general sense, nothing in the world is fair, and no fairness is absolute (or else there would be no lawyers and law

2005-04-28T12:24:00.000-07:00

When we are younger, we like to make different sounds. We say things that make us stand out. We rebel. We are in the opposition. We make radical statements about the world. We want to be different. We are like new born chicks. We need to yell the loudest, or chirp with different songs in order to hear ourselves, to hear ourselves above the crowd and the noise to confirm our own existence.

2005-04-20T16:04:00.000-07:00

I have signed up for an online "remainder service", and they send e-mail remainders to tell people to do some simple things and not ask questions. I have found out that the ultimate goal is not go get those things done (wash dishes, put away laundry, make bed, empty trash, etc.), but in doing simple things I will actually feel better and then I get more things done and I feel even better. So it

2005-04-01T21:07:00.000-08:00

The Meaning of Life (reply following 平仄平's post at mayacafe.com)As I am being tormented over the question on the meaning of life, I heard a program on NPR introducing the newly invented piccolo-violin. The violin is made in a quarter size and sounds an octave higher than the conventional violin. As if the frequency of violin is not high enough to make us violinists a neurotic lot, some bored

2005-03-22T23:38:00.000-08:00

In the airport (DTW) again. Why is it that I want to write and read so much when I'm traveling? Perhaps the change of the environment can either add or remove distraction. Single-minded concentration that is impossible for me in normal life suddenly becomes possible and practical and attractive. Perhaps this is one reason I so much like to travel.When I walked pass the gadget store, I was

2005-03-20T15:29:00.000-08:00

Why do I always have this desire and urge to impress interesting people!!! Today a student came with my landlords to see my apartment. He will start graduate school in the fall. He looks composed and intellitent. He showed interest in the photos on my wall. When I told them my plan to switch from science to music, his response was not of the general surprise or admiration, but of gentle

2005-03-10T16:34:00.000-08:00

Physicist Wins Spirituality PrizeUS scientists battle over anti-Darwin "Intelligent design" theory>adagio wrote:>So, let's say all is pre-designed and pre-determined, and all we are left to do is to find out this intelligent designer's plan for us, to find out our pre-determinded fate, boy, does that make you feel below-human? One would feel like a pre-designed robot, wouldn't he? Will he be

2005-03-07T21:49:00.000-08:00

>白吃 wrote: >一直以来指向做好人，小时候要做好孩子，上学了要好学生，结婚了好做好妻子，好母亲。。。无论周围发生什莫不快，总是检讨自己是否做错什莫，经常处于相对不安的状态。突然有一天觉得自己活得和虚伪，想做好人的愿望并没使自己感到幸福，索性有想做坏人打算，突然间觉得自己变得踏实了，安定了，也不在乎别人怎莫想，怎莫说。结果才发现自己本来就不是什莫好人，为什莫要伪装自己哪？如果做坏人会让我很踏实，为什莫偏要做好人。也许是好人与坏人之间的标准改变了。随他去吧，自己踏实就好。嘿嘿，真正心里踏实的，恐怕不会想到大声向全世界宣布：我做坏人踏实！说出来给自己壮胆呢。:) 象那个玛雅，前天想沉默一阵，还忍不住跟大家宣布一下：我要沉默了。好坏是自己定的准则，应该是符合人性的。你所说的好坏，是社会强加于人的仁义道德观念 (morality)，与你的本质 (nature) 不合，

2005-02-28T23:03:00.000-08:00

I know you think people should help each other, but seriously I don't believe that other people can make us happy unless we are happy ourselves. I think each individual should try to understand him/herself first and become a mature person (not a perfect person, but someone who knows how to solve own problems, with or without other's help) before engaging in a relationship. For me I feel I have

2005-01-23T15:53:00.000-08:00

So you were happy and it made you unhappy. Boy can I relate! This seems to be an recurring theme that I find happiness sad. My friend thinks intrinsically I am a sad person. I don't know. Sometimes I think many of the moments of happiness I have encountered are not true happiness, but something else. Is happiness supposed to be more sustainable? Sometimes when I am happy, I feel sad because I

2005-01-17T17:09:00.000-08:00

Underachievement is one of the worse feelings in the world. When you feel underachieved, you are unsettled and lost. You feel you are trapped by the circumstance and don't know what to do. It doesn't matter if your expectation is realistic or practical, or you have achieved what your ability permits you, or in other people's opinion you are already overachieved. It's only a feeling of

2005-01-16T19:32:00.000-08:00

Having trouble with relationships or with life in general? I really hope I can be of some help. Conversation is good with the right people or with the right goal. I think the key to people including oneself is better understanding. -- Sorry that you are not at peace. You sound like you are full of turmoil. Why is everything a battle for you? Are you taking things too personally? All one can do

2004-12-22T13:20:00.000-08:00

I had such a great time discussing with Mike about my "philosophy". Afterward I wrote down some thoughts while riding on the bus. I used to want to impress people, and I felt happy when people understood me. But now I want to inspire people. I feel happy when people, upon encountering me, would want to make an active and positive change in their lives, or even if they could just pause and

2004-12-09T20:59:00.000-08:00

On the plane again. Now I travel so much it seems a good way to gain solitude. Printed one of Mike's earlier e-mails to read, the one about his discussion with Josh and his thoughts on artificial intelligence and how human brain works. Then suddenly a light was turned on inside my head! Where do all my insights come from? Who sends them to me? How do I encounter them? I find myself more and more

2004-12-02T23:14:00.000-08:00

The best thing in life is to be in love. 感叹和杂想。想，为什么能够一次又一次堕入爱河，不厌其烦？当爱情这波兴起时，生命中其它所有事项都退为波底，随爱情而流。咖啡屋里，每个人都站在自己的波浪上相望，此起彼伏。到了爱中，才会记起为什么爱情是生命中最美好的一波。爱情也是一种波浪，有起有落的。站在爱情的浪端上，感觉真是异常美妙啊。不站在这波上的人，只好愣愣地观望了。爱情之波结束时，也不必悲哀，赶快跳上另外一波的浪端，让它是友情，是自恋，是诗歌，是艺术，是金钱，是子女，是工作，是自娱，是思索，是智慧，是解悟，... 只要不是冷漠、绝望、cynicism、或流感的波浪就好了。迟早，爱情之波又要升上来，把你推上幸福的巅峰。对了，那句话怎么说来着？ "Be careful about the Secret of Love. Do not speak it

2004-12-02T18:20:00.000-08:00

i did enjoy seeing the moorish influence of the area, especially the buildings that fuses both muslim and catholic styles. truly inspiring is the mezquita and catedral of cordoba, for they also used the columns from the roman structures..... that alone was worth the trip. i am restless. i am searching for a new direction to concentrate in the next few days before i go off to my job interview

2004-12-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

I have many flaws, but there's only one that I despise. That is envy. This is probably rooted from my childhood education, when everyone was constantly compared with everyone else, and self-evaluation in reference of others was critical. When I am low, I look at people around me and ask, why are they doing the things and having the life that I wish to be mine? Envy arises when one

2004-12-02T07:32:00.000-08:00

I'm back from Spain. I enjoyed the mezquita/catedral of Cordoba the most, because of the fusion of Catholic and Moorish architectures. I want to look into the Islamic religion some more. I know so little about it. Seeing the mosques with all the patterns and scriptures and designs make me want to understand their passion. Where I can start with my introduction? I am also about to read some

2004-11-18T23:33:00.000-08:00

Why do we love temporary things? When all the teachings in the world tell us that the only true happiness is the eternal one bound by love of all (and such themes). What mechanism forces man to pursue short-term pleasures? Why do temporary pleasures exist at all? Great teachings tell us to abandon desire, to withdraw from wanting things, to go inwardly to find peace and contentment. But why

2004-11-18T21:04:00.000-08:00

It's hard to decide on things since I don't really have a strong sense of direction in life. Sometimes I wish I weren't so free to choose. Maybe I should start by becoming a vegetarian so I have less too choose from. I have already given up on movies and TV so I don't need to choose what to watch. Hmm, I see that becoming a Catholic is a very promising path for me. :)

2004-11-18T20:34:00.000-08:00

I am just looking for a job of anything. You know me, that I don't have a clear goal in life, not the "earthly life" at least. It seems something as vague as "To search for Truth and the meaning of life" has always been a goal.... Funny.

2004-11-16T23:37:00.000-08:00

Been reading Taoism and learning some St Augustine. Somehow Catholicism seems so much more real and passionate to me. Or perhaps I need someone to explain these to me first? Earlier I "realized" that all religions and spiritualities are equivalent, and everyone needs to pick the one that is close to their temperament. Maybe I am wrong about this. I am a natural Taoist--it's so easy and

2004-11-13T02:16:00.000-08:00

I am still awake. I drove half of the way (180 miles) and then slept the rest. When I got back, I found my old journal from the New Orleans DPS 3 years ago and started to read. I was so depressed the whole time during that life-changing conference. The only deliverance from my sorrow and loneliness there was you on the steamboat, but I did not record any of my happiness. That was a time in

2004-11-10T22:42:00.000-08:00

There, is, God. God creates everything and everything is God. One day (God creates, too, that day and the concept of one day), God is bored and decides to take the form of Ah San Wong. All he has to do is to make sure s/he comes to being. God thinks to himself, "It might be fun to be born in a communist country on the planet earth. A girl perhaps. I am her creator, her director, her actor, and

2004-11-08T13:12:00.000-08:00

I have finished my last story. I was going to continue the writing, but I don't feel like writing anymore. Maybe I've used up all my writing juices for now. It's always like this. When I get into something I do it with full force and then soon I move to something else before coming back to the first thing. Now I hope to get back to the Silk Road stuff. -- I was doing some writing last week

2004-11-06T22:41:00.000-08:00

Finally I finished another story yesterday. It seems every year I can only write 2 or 3 pieces at the most, and the rest of the time I don't feel like writing at all. I started this one back in the summer, but the first draft was completed in a few days of time this last week. Since I was reading Sophie's Choice and Dubliners, my story is influenced by the two writers (especially by Styron),

2004-10-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

... I was beyond myself. Being with 3 of 4 deareset friends in the world, how can anyone be just themselves. I love everyone just as who they are. But most people are not who they are. They are too smart, too confident, too defensive, too caring, too just, too humble, too cool, too selfless, too competent, too well-read, too well-traveled, too well-groomed, too educated, too civilized, too

2004-10-26T00:27:00.000-07:00

Today I had my first introduction to Augustine, when I listened to a lecture (out of 12) about him. For a moment I felt I was being transported to that light again, that light, that state of joy, of awe, of wholeness, of eternity, of knowing, of being above me, beyond me, simply me, of home, again. It was just a short moment, and I turned away. I did not have time for home yet. Two nights ago I

2004-10-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

I have fallen. Long and steady. Blindly. Confidently. Guiltily. I am lost. Since coming back from the Silk Road trip, I haven't done anything at all that really pleases me. Surely I have organized some pictures; surely I have built a new website and installed ads; surely I am keeping up with my sonnets and Tao readings. But none of these gives much genuine joy. I do these things out of an

2004-10-18T16:02:00.000-07:00

> Hey, I have a quickee Astrophysics question which I don't know the current answer to. If I pick any direction in the universe and keep traveling in a straight line will I come back to where I started? Assuming my speed is not a limiting factor.. I am really not an astrophysics or even a physics! I am just faking it. Thus I am the wrong person to consult with such astrophysics questions. :) I

2004-10-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

I think SETI is a waste of time, but in an interesting way. Better SETI than many other things people do to fool themselves (or to get funding). I seriously don't think there is life anywhere else in the solar system, but I don't doubt there are life elsewhere in the universe. And I don't think we humans should find any extra-terrestrial life soon. My rational is such: I am sometimes quite

2004-10-14T04:34:00.000-07:00

> Now I have a question for you. The problem is this: now I know that no matter what I do, it is of no importance as long as I am enjoying myself. But not all things are equal in "values". Different things bring different consequences. Consequences and "values" are different babies. Indeed, consequences vary with the input. Like is often the case, master the input, and you will master the

2004-10-13T17:54:00.000-07:00

I've come to think that reading history can make a person a little wiser, but also quite more painful. It's like a yoga for the mind, stretching of the mind. The other day my colleagues and I were discussing how to deal with the pain and wounds of history. One said "stoicism" can make one calm and successful. A chinese friend said he likes "Taoism". But looking up, I found stoicism and taoism are

2004-10-13T10:51:00.000-07:00

我觉得，幸福这个字，只有在幸福中的人才会想起来用，而且大用特用，用得又勤又爽，豪不吝啬；不在幸福中的人总会对这个词持及其怀疑的态度，即使从前也曾经倡导过幸福。换句话说，什么事都是一阵阵的，都有自己的节奏，幸福也是。 >adagio wrote: >不是这样（虽然节奏这个提法很好），是世上没有幸福这个东西。它既不存在，找当然是找不到的。那些以为在幸福之中的人其实也不过是在经历一种假象。是想用英文的 season, time 等字，everything has its season; there is a time for everything, 之类的说法，中文找不到相应的词，觉得节奏这个字很浪漫。再换句话说，every idea has its believer; there is a contemplator for every idea. :) 说着玩儿的。高兴就成，

2004-10-12T01:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it is fun to wonder what have happened to my life if I had chosen something else at some time. But I would never know now, all I know is this current path that I'm taking. F said to me today again that "to live is to choose". So you have chosen your own path and you live out all your choices. Nobody knows what life would be if one has chosen differently in the past. Different

2004-10-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

爱的确是比较容易蛊惑人的，大概在爱中的诗人艺术家们中把爱美化了，以至于人人都以为爱应该是如何如何的。没有爱，就觉得挺淡的。当然淡也有淡的好，不可能总是烧呀烧的。 >adagio wrote: >能不能画出漂亮的曲线，又不把自己缠进去呢？这真是难人所难。这不是凡人有资格面对的问题。留给圣人和神吧。这个解决办法上次好像已经讨论过了：Immersed, yet, aware of the world's ultimate nature, and, therefore, detached. 就当给自己演一场比较精彩的戏。 >adagio wrote: >>阿姗 wrote: >>当然淡也有淡的好，不可能总是烧呀烧的。 > >ah? what happened to your genius and your fire? :) if one has to love, firce fire

2004-10-07T18:00:00.000-07:00

I want to learn about the Catholic these days. I read Graham Greene's novel The Power and the Glory and also listened to Pope John Paul II's biography. I am very interested in knowing about the suffering and the church preaching. Why would a religion base its faith on suffering? Under what social circumstances? How is it relevant to our present society? Which religion/faith is more appropriate to

2004-10-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

.... Maybe he is just a mirror that reflects the world into a condensed image and I love to see the world through him. So, sometimes I wonder that I* has a better version of my soul. Why should I* have a better version of your soul? Maybe at the present, you two occupies very similar soul-scape (a word I coined), and you are seeing who you are from a different angle. Before meeting him, you

2004-10-04T23:05:00.000-07:00

I was trying to write an encouraging note to my friend. Although I am in my low energy state, I can still write very wise and enlightened words to people. It's rather remarkable how a brief glimpse of the truth will be a source of seemingly infinite and profound wisdom. That's how it works. ;) What do I want to "work" on? I want to start delving into music. I want to have the courage and

2004-10-04T22:39:00.000-07:00

Talking about loneliness, I think understand you completely. I used to feel that way all the time, that loneliness is a matter of the soul. Sometimes I felt even more alone when I was with another person. I think we all enjoy different types of companies, of the mind, of the heart, of the physical presence, of fun, of daily life, but these companies are never eternal. It is because the mind,

2004-10-01T19:55:00.000-07:00

An aesthetic principle of the Counter-Reformation sacred style is that the music should be serene, objective, and beautifully proportioned. Jeppesen's remarks are appropriate in this regard: The linear treatment of the Palestrina music reveals a marked inner coherence and an understanding of what is, in the truest sense, organic, which is indeed sought after in every style species. It abhors the

2004-09-30T20:04:00.000-07:00

so strange that liberation means being unseparate; seems like it would mean quite the opposite, y'know? (true also in yoga samkyha, ultimate liberation is called 'kaivalya' which literally means 'aloneness' (!!) but this usually comes out something like 'not in the presence of many') dunno what i was saying about liberation and unseparated.... maybe this: when we are separated and have an

2004-09-29T21:25:00.000-07:00

Ann Arbor my "home" seems like a different world altogether for me, a different world from the rest of the world. When I am away, I am in a world of unknowns and excitements and dreams and imaginations and stories and possibilities, and I truly go with the flow and feel alive in the moment. Now that I am back, I am back to a world of reality--hard core reality that includes phone calls, emails,

2004-09-28T19:48:00.000-07:00

About enlightenment, be open (read and think widely), be truthful (to yourself), and enjoy the journey. For me, what I have learned is that I need to find a way to live in harmony with true reality, whatever reality means to me. I have always been a hopeless idealist, but surprisingly my extreme idealism ultimately brings me back to reality and I am loving the implication of this finding. I

2004-08-26T14:17:00.000-07:00

Saw a group of "quotable cards" in a bookstore downtown Mountain View today. Some quotes I have never seen but like very much: Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet. --Roger Miller One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. --Nietzche There isn't a particle of you that I don't know, remember, and want. --Noel Coward Hmm, on their website

2004-08-10T15:52:00.000-07:00

Well, we are all different from most other people. The idea is that everyone is different, and people should appreciate the difference and variety. But of course not everybody thinks so (this also proves that people think differently), so this is one main source of conflict and suffering in human beings. It is true that nobody can live in isolation, but people often don't know the boundary

2004-08-05T21:27:00.001-07:00

I don't know about anyone nowadays. Sometimes it seems the more I know about myself, the less I know about others; the more I like myself, the less other like me. Complete happiness is not possible, although personal contentment is probably attainable. ------ I believe all things will happen at the right time for anyone if one does not push for or against things. My life goes on without me

2004-08-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

so there is a time for everything. some time for writing, some time for thinking, some time for loving, some time for resting, some time for nothing. i fear the more i like myself, the less others will like me. the more i use the word "i", the more the others use the words against me. this should not be right. there must be a state of harmony in which everything and everyone is in its right

2004-08-04T13:59:00.000-07:00

My life seems so unstructured, unorganized, unfocused, unpredictable these days. Sometimes I feel people would prefer it otherwise. I don't know. I have no secret. I have nothing much to share. I am just being a bum right now. Let me be.

2004-08-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

This set of advices from my piano teacher.... I used to have this on my homepage but when I disconnected my old website, I left it out. The words were not written by my teacher, but were given to me during my piano lessons. At that time I found his words very insightful and inspiring. I had forgotten all about him until just recently. It is really good if you translate the words into life:

2004-07-30T15:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it seems I am not always who I am. And I am a different person at different times. I still can't believe I actually enjoyed dancing in the dark loud smoky and crowded room with suspicious college kids all around last night. I think I am truly learning what it means by "immersed, yet, aware of the world's ultimate nature, and, therefore, detached." The goal is to become aware, and to

2004-07-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

The Tao of Music--What I Learned from my Piano Teacher I took piano lessons from Mr. Shura Chatterjee in 1998-99. He gave me many good advices about playing the soloist in a concerto. These advices could be applied to life as well. Solo means youth and freedom. It's like say, "I will do as I please." As a soloist, be bold and stand out. Play all the notes clearly so each note can be heard.

2004-07-26T14:40:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Kentucky rock climbing. SO MUCH FUN. I should never forget how much I also enjoy the life of the outdoors, in addition to the life of the mind. The key is variety and balance. I got the Harmonic Experience book--it is a monster book! Did you read the whole book? I think it would be very good for me, since I am serious about learning music now. I thought more about

2004-07-26T12:49:00.000-07:00

I'm glad my comments were relevant to your book. No you are not crazy. You know exactly what you were doing and it is not up to the readers to interact with the book. I don't know much about theories of non-linearity, but I imagine it is another way of saying that the world is not simple so one should be aware of the complex nature of a system when one tries to study it. I will get The Castle

2004-07-22T10:31:00.000-07:00

Today's random Tao verse says: FORTY-EIGHT (standard translation by Gia-Fu Feng) In the pursuit of learning, every day something is acquired. In the pursuit of Tao, every day something is dropped. Less and less is done Until non-action is achieved. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone. The world is ruled by letting things take their course. It cannot be ruled by interfering. 48 (my

2004-07-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

I have decided to dedicated two seperate blog spots for Lao Tsu's Tao Te Ching and Shakespeare's sonnets. I am so happy to have discovered these two greatest poets this year. Life is indeed very good.

2004-07-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

email conversation with XH. I don't know; I find it nice to settle down; sometime one finds something one really wants to do, sometime one realizes that to live a happy, if not all that exciting, life is pretty good as well. I am sure somewhere deep inside, everyone will always wonder what if, will still want the adventure. I saw that you are reading Lao Zi these days. I am not sure if you

2004-07-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

My brain is racing again and I think if I let it go I will end up on top of another wave. So for me, perhaps the high state is conversation-induced, rather than drug- or meditation- induced. Yes, there are many ways to do this (no two operators are the same) and again, everyone picks whichever works for him/her. Lots of metaphors for lots of things. In fact, everything is a metaphor for

2004-07-20T11:10:00.000-07:00

email to CA, whose book I just finished. Dear C, I just finished your book. Wow! What can I say and how can say it? Let me try. Thank you for producing such a wonderful little book. I really enjoyed it. It in itself is indeed a work of art. It is complex, informative, with many many layers of metaphors refer to one another and within itself. I love the design of the book, not just the

2004-07-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

This is great, to read Lao Tsu and Shakespeare every day. There are 81 verses in Tao Te Ching and 154 sonnets by WS. Enough to keep one busy for a while. A great way to study and appreciate greatness. I started on Lao Tsu, and I'm afraid the other Chinese philosophers are not so sophisticated. Zhuangzi is a good one (a student of Lao Tsu), very imaginative, romantic, funny. Will be a very

2004-07-18T23:36:00.000-07:00

--- Bennett wrote (7/18/2004 11:27:56 PM): No punctuation...no grammer...different meanings.. Heheh, and I thought English had a reputation for being difficult! I think this is why Chinese people are naturally Taoists, while the Germans are scientists and philosophers and psychologists, and the English are, hmm, politicians? Joking. The English being both precise but flexible means it's good